Hi Gill

Shame you missed out on the curry but good that you enjoyed time with other friends and  your daughter before she had to return home. It also nice to be able to chat about Roy with others who remember him well.Pleased also that you managed your return to work okay. Another small step taken.

I had quite a busy day off, cleaning windows, visiting Mum (she is in local care home), doing gym workout (new challenge started last month and good for 'switching off' for half hour) and general pottering. Back to work today and having to find alternaitve bus route in tomorrow due to walk out by tube staff which will mean much earlier leaving time (probably before 7am grrrr).

Look after  yourself and chat again soon. Jules

Good morning Jules, hope you are having a good journey to work. You were busy yesterday.   I have got to get organised this morning must take dogs on long walk, then get back make myself look presentable and get to work myself.  Going to get back and have a couple of hours in garden and then perhaps do some cooking. My son called last night they are coming down on Saturday with Jessica our seven year old grandchild. That will break Saturday up a bit.  Have a good day Gill. 

Hi Gill

Keeping busy (most of the time) is definitely my coping mechanism.  Work was hectic today so was relieved when end of shift came and I could get the bus home(replacing my usual tube because of the walk out today).

I am sure it will be lovely to see your son and grand-daughter on Saturday. My eldest grandson will be 7 in November and as his Mum is taking him to kid's Club at the Cinema tomorrow morning I am looking after his younger brother (22 months) so should be in for some fun! Weather permitting we still spend time in the park and then he can have lunch and his nap  before they come  back to collect him.

Lovely here just now so will get some chores done outside before preparing my evening meal and settling down to watch tv.  Hope  you have had a good day.  Jules

Good morning Jules, Are you at work today? I have today left, managed to do the week.  I have decided to start to decorate my lounge. That will keep me busy for a bit. I think it may be a lovely day today.  I had my daughter on the phone late last night very upset. She was very close to her dad. I wish we lived closer but that is the way it is. She started a new job yesterday and she always called her dad for advice, I managed to get her smiling in the end but it was so late when she called I had just nodded off, never mind.  Anyway you have a good day. gill

Hi Gill

I do not work Fridays or Tuesdays (very part time at just under 16hrs per week). I did find it helpful to have the work routine back after taking a month's compassionate leave (advice of GP as I had planned to go back after two weeks but she was right). This morning I am childminding for my daughter, They will be here by 8ish.  She is taking my eldest grandson to Kid's Cinema Club for the morning so I will have Zack (22 months) to play with/take shopping and no doubt to the park as he loves a kick around (good exercise for me too ha ha).

I can relate to that call with  your daughter.  When hubby passed away I found my Mothering instincts were ultra strong but the mutual support was invaluable in helping us to adjust as we comforted each other . My son too feels the pain of loss(though is very much like his Dad in that he turns quiet) but also has lovely memories of days on the fishing bank which he  arranged several times during hubby's illness (hubby's main hobby for relaxation was sea-fishing but he was too weak to manage this in the last two years of  his journey).  We spent a lot of time together as a family during that time which was helpful to us all. So thankful that they also have very supportive partners (not always easy for them either especially coping with the grandchildren/work and their own grief).  Now there is plenty of chat of memories and slowly making plans.  I do not feel able (mentally or practically to cope with other changes just yet but do have plans  to 'modernise' the kitchen and redecorate the ground floor (we are open plan so cannot do one without the other!!)) - will not do it myself though!!!

Being busy is definitely a coping mechanism for me though, of course, memories of hubby are carried with me always and sometimes you have to make a real effort to face things alone. I am just over a week away from my birthday and it won't be an easy day.  Bless them, the children have all plans in place and are taking me out for a meal the night before and then  we will all be at my son's for family BBQ (weather permitting) on the day but at the moment I cannot stop thinking that he was there last year (my daughter hosted a mini family party as it was my 60th). Hey ho, onwards and upwards.

Sorry for the ramble - too much thinking just now.  Will go and get the toys organised for my little visitor; his smile will lift my spirits no end (plus cheeky grin of the eldest boy and no doubt plenty of questions to answer).

Glad you are managing the work return and having plans for the weekend gives focus.  Chat again soon. Regards Jules x

Gilliansandra. I am so, so sad to read your post. My husband has had two bowel operations for cancer. In January he had a big operation for liver cancer. At a check-up lasy month it is found he has to have another operation. I know just how you feel. Your loss is so very great. They say that time heals (I wonder). I can not imagine life without my husband and I am terrified of losing him. Try and join a group, try volunteering, anything to help you through these new dark days. Until then, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you... you are not alone. God bless you.

I am in the same bad "hole" Now. I am so empty since my husband died in January this year. I listen for him and even switch on my phone to see if he has left a message. How sad is that??? I can not ever see me coming to terms with his death. People tell me that time is a healer.... I doubt it. We were together for 44 years. I loved him so much. Life has no purpose without him.

Kind regards   Gillie xx

Hi there, so sorry about your loss.it has been four years now and I still miss him terribly. At first you just drag yourself through your days. The first 12 months I cannot  remember. I just ploughed along. Then I was poorly with my heart still having problems.  It you will feel better about your life. It's not easy. You will stop the crying. I haven't cried for a couple of years now. He is never far from my thoughts I was only sitting in the lounge this morning imagining he was sitting opposite me. I could see every feature of him. I was thinking about when we met I was 19 and he was 16. We were both skinheads. Ha ha so funny. But I would do anything to have him  back here with me. I have four dogs and two kids. My kids live away from me so I live for my dogs. We onlyhad twowhen he wa alive. I know it is help the loss. Anyway we carry on. Message me again and i will always message you back. Keep going I promise you will feel better. Xxxxx

  l

Hi Girls,

Just seen your posts and can relate to both.  Will be five years in Janurary 2020 since my hubby passed away and nowadays it is very much a case of staying busy  within my own life and remembering the good times rather than the last awful three years of his life (so difficult for him and us as a family watching).  I turned 65 yesterday so another mini milestone but had my children and grandchildren (now four of them as my son has married and had two little ones since we lost his Dad) and we went out to lunch.

The first year or two was definitely more difficult than now and think for the most part I was on auto control from day to day until I began to realise that my own sadness was dragging me and those around me down and that is not how my hubby would have wanted it to be so dusted myself down, asked for  support (through hubby's GP initially and now belong to a ladies gym which has been amazing and totally different to anything I had done before). I need to be as well as I can be to stay 'sane' and enjoy my family as they continue to grow.

We were 'a couple and then a family' for over  40 years and I think I will always miss him (and why not) but have found my coping strategy in the last few years and this year ticked another box by spending a week abroad on holiday with a tour company and surprised at how much I enjoyed the break.  First steps are the hardest so made them small to begin with.

Sending virtual hugs to you both as our journey continues.  Jules