Hi everyone, 

I've been a member for a few weeks now, but am yet to post anything. So here it goes...

I lost my mum, who had just turned 61, on the 30th May. She had been diagnosed with cancer in her jaw back in October 2014. She was seen by many specialists, and went through with a major operation in December to resconstruct her jaw with bone from her leg. 

She was so brave, and always positive, although obviously she was scared inside. She then started a course of radio therapy in January, which she completed in March. 

It was a rough time for all of us and she suffered from many nasty side effects and lost a lot of weight (as she struggled to eat due to awful mouth ulcers). Everything seemed to be fine, and getting better, nothing was ever mentioned about dying. We even had a party to celebrate her birthday on 26th April. 

But from then on, things went down hill. She became very tired all the time and then became confused. She would be seeing a picture on the TV when it wasn't turned on etc. at this time she had also developed a rash on her neck area (where the radio therapy was) which we assumed was a side effect. She was seen by multiple local GPs who prescribed different creams and antibiotics. 

On the 7th May my dad took her to A&E and she never left the hospital. She was first diagnosed with a dangerously high level of calcium in the blood, which was causing the confusion. She was being treated for this and the levels started going down. 

Then on the 12th of May everything changed. She was seen by the oncologist who told us that the 'rash' she had on her neck was actually a secondary Cancer. Or maybe even the original Cancer which they never managed to get rid of. 

Basically, in the last few weeks my dad and myself pretty much lived at the hospital by her side. We watched her deteriorate to the moment she couldn't recognise us or even respond. 

At 6:00am on 30th May, 2015 our lives turned up side down  As we watched the life slip away and held her hand. 

I can't even explain how I feel, and God knows how my dad feels. They were married and never apart for 31 years. She was the strong one. The Rock in their relationship. And my best friend. 

I am only 23 and live about 2 hours away from my parents house, I have a full time job, and for me it seems as though nothing has changed. Life goes on I guess. Except from the massive hole in my heart and the deep sinking feeling I get everyday. 

I know it's okay to cry and show emotion, but I feel like I'm putting on a smile at work and carrying on with my life, and then coming home and crying myself to sleep. 

I'm so worried about my dad too. Although he seems to be 'coping' better than I expected. 

I thought I would write this here as I know many people will have  been through similar situatIons. 

Thank you for letting me share, xx