Hi Jonas, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I wanted to welcome you to this forum though that is a good place for you to come for support and help to get through this. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of people around you at such a difficult time. Just being 20 years old is hard enough in today's world without all of the baggage that you're having to carry that is not yours to own. You said that your Dad walked out on you years ago, how sad for you and your sister. What will your sister do after you go away to University? Is there no adult that you can turn to, perhaps a friend of your Mom's, or even the parent of one of your own friends?

I wish I had something more to offer you in the way of help, but from here I can't think of anything other than that I feel so bad for you with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Come on to the forum any time you want to rant, cry, or whatever helps you to get through this. I get so upset when adults in this world can just turn their backs on their kids (yes, you and your sister are only kids still) leaving you to pick up the pieces. Your Dad had a responsibility here and he let you down. Your poor Mom couldn't survive this terrible disease to see you and your sister through to full independence. I have grandkids your age.

I sincerely hope things can work out for you both. Sending you hugs.

Lorraine  

Hi, Jonas, I really feel for you - it was hard enough for me when I lost my mum to cancer many years ago when I was in my 50s, I couldn't cope for many months until one day I knew that I had to go back to work and continue my life.  You are never going to forget your mum but I would say you have to try to move on with your life - you seem to have such a lot to cope with. Yes,  going to university will probably give you a push to get on track again and perhaps take your mind of the negatives in your life.  I am presuming your sister will be looked after, but at least you have each other.  

I do hope things work out well for you, Jonas, you sound like a sensible young man, albeit one who is grieving, but I promise you will get there.  Please come and talk to us anytime, we are always here for you. xI

dear jonas sorry for your loss my mum also died on the 27th december 2014 in hospital, my mum had breast cancer in 2011 but they got the lump out before it had spread but last november mum started to be ill and after we took her into hospital and had the scan it turned out cancer had come back in the ovaries which is one of cruelist cancers going has you do not have any symtoms until it reaches a advanced stage and they still have not found a early detection for it yet, mum lasted only three weeks before she passed she was seventy four, i was once told people in remission cancer always comes back, and sadly that what seems to happen most  of the time, after nearly seven months on it feels raw but my mum would have wanted me to carry on with life and enjoy it, it my take some time but i am sure i will get through it i hope you can too take care oggi

Hi Lorraine, thank you for such a touching message. 

There are certainly a lot of pieces to pick up, but mum has made me a strong driven individual.

I think the reason I spontaneously posted something last night is that I'm feeling a more and more distant from my friends. I mean my sister and I have some wonderful relatives close by in the next town, but I find it hard to completly open up to them and express how I'm really feeling.

I'll keep you posted, thanks Jonas x 

Hi Pauline,

I'm sorry to hear you've also lost your mum to cancer. If I'm honest I went straight back to work, and that helped for me - I'm not one to take time off and not do anyting (like my sister) but I suppose we've all got our own way of dealing with situations.

I still find it hard to enjoy myself and take a break, I suppose apart of me feels like I don't deserve it and that it would be inappropirate to "let my hair down"; going for a drink for example, because mum lost her life due to the cancer in the liver, I can never get really drunk (even when sometimes I think I need it!) because I feel it would be rude and offensive to mum.

Fingers crossed that time is a healer...

Thanks J x

Hi Oggi,

I'm sorry to hear that - it sounds like we've been through a very simular situation with you late mum.

For a moment then when you mentioned 7 months I was taken aback, but then I remembered, yes it will be almost 7 months since mums passing; the phone call I got at 6:30am on 27th December from the Sue Ryder Hospice only feels like yesterday.

I hope that Falmouth University will be a new chapter in my life, I just hope I can enjoy it and not dewl on the past too much.

Speak soon, Jonas X