It's been 7 years since I last kissed her but it always seemed like it was just yesterday. I found this site because I was looking for a way to find myself and move forward without regret. This is my story and I will tell it how she would have wanted me to.
It was the summer of our sophomore year in high school when we first met. She went to an all girls school because her family was a little well-off but on the other hand, my family was barely making days meet since my dad was the only worker in the family; my mother was too weak to work because of her heart condition. Joy was my first love and it was an interesting story through out high school until we decided to separate since she decided to attend college in another state at the same time I joined the army. When I got out of the army, I got somebody pregnant and married her at a young age. My wife or so called ex didn't think it was the life she wanted so she left me and our 2 year old daughter out of the blue.
Joy and I always had communication despite our distance. She'd had told me after she found out I was married that she would move on and be with somebody else and get married as well. Her marriage was a failure like mine. Her husband that was driving her insane. Even with all her therapy sessions, work and family, she was very depressed and very sad. Then there was that time that we finally saw each other again. We fell in love like how it was before. I just finished my college degree while working full time, going to school full time and taking care of a young baby girl full time. (If you ask me I'm not sure how I did, but I did).
We both had a good careers and we were still in love. So she decided to move to where I live and find a job and found one. She was an excellent HR manager and beautifuly gorgeous and let's not forget, down to earth person (Everybody loves her). The time we spent together was heaven. She finalized her divorce and we were now a complete happy family. A year and a half later of enjoying the time of our life together, tragedy happened. We were playing tennis on a Sunday afternoon weeks before she had a fender bender accident, when she felt something hurting on her ankle. She went to see a doctor and they said it was just a sprain and gave her some painkillers and steroids for the inflammation. A week later, the injury progressed to a point where she couldn't feel anything below her waist. It was during xmas week, I remember her having crutches 2 days before seeing the doctor. She was in pain all those times and was getting worse. She cried to me and asked if I can take her to ER because she thinks something is wrong with her. After waiting in the ER for 10 hours during xmas eve, they told us we need to go and see her primary care doctor. I was a bit mad at that time, but she had schedule a flight back home to see her parents so we went ahead and took the flight while she was on a wheel chair.
Once we landed her parents took her straight to hospital where they did an MRI scan and found tumors along her spinal cord and brain. The biopsy came back a week after and they've diagnosed her with stage IV cancer. It was very hard to take in, after all this time and after us becoming finally one, my life was now doomed again. I managed to fly back every week to see her do her radiation and physical therapy since I still have work and care for my little girl back home. Joy was very happy to see me everytime I fly in. She cried to me one time telling me she was happy to see me smiling all the time and making jokes amid of the situation because the rest of her family were always crying and that made her cry more. I made sure that she saw the most positive experience when she was with me even though at night I would sob like a little girl.
Her progress in treatment seemed to be getting better after 3 months of Radiation therapy and physical therapy in the hospital but she still had no feelings below the waist. The tumors have slowly reverted back during another MRI scan. They have decided to send her home for two weeks. We were both happy, she can finally have real food not those ones that you get from the hospital cafeteria. During this time, she talked to me about leaving her, letting her go and not bother to come back because she wanted me to have better life. She said that even if she survive this that she will be forever in a wheel chair and for me to take care of her. Even her family agreed, it was a difficult moment for me but I loved her so much that I told her that no matter what happens I will be there until the end. Tragedy seems to follow me again, once we settled back in her family's house she started having seizures every few hours. It was very disturbing to witness. Her eyes would just roll up and when she came around she would ask, "what just happened?". Within a week her health worsened and so we had to take her back to the hospital.
They did another MRI scan but this time the tumor has metastized fully and the doctor have given her from a few weeks to days to live. During this time she could not speak anymore, her face have swollen up, unrecognizable and she needed to be turned on her side every hour. I went back home for the week and back to work. That friday, I received a phone call from her dad. He said that for what ever reason, she spoke and wanted to talk to me. When she got on the phone all I can hear is her mumbling.... but deep inside I know what she was saying (that she loves me). I keep telling her to stop talking and to save her strength and that I love her so much. After a few minutes, she had fallen asleep because of all the drugs, mostly the morphine drip.
That following Sunday, she died at the age of 27.(RIP)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By9uH5s_JYE
I'm sorry that this post is very long but I needed to write it somehow because she always tells me that I will forget her. She was perfect for me, the perfect person that I enjoyed my time with, the person I wanted to share my entire life with and to have our own family. We were engaged to marry that year that she died. I've never attended any of a family member funeral. That was the first. I cried like I never cried before, specially when they closed the casket. I thought I was strong and I didn't talk to any councelor about the grievance. The last few years of her life was the best because I made sure of it. She was very happy before she died. I promised her before she died that I would go back to school and help people in regards to their health. So I went back to school few years after her death while I continued working as a sr. systems engineer. I then received my pre-med degree and currently my masters degree and now I am off to medical school this coming fall.
My daughter is turning 13 now and I feel like I'm the only one that is suffering this loneliness. I guess I kept her shielded from what has been happening so that she doesn't have the emotion for her or anybody. I tried to get into relationships but I ended up not successful, probably because I care too much or they can't relate. The last relationship I had was with a person that is unstable and was verbally abusive whenever she flips out. All of this time, I thought I have moved on with Joy but it seemed like she was the only one that understands who I am. I miss her so much. I wish she was here to complete me. I couldn't ask for anything more when I was with her.
God bless guys. Surely, we all get our happy ending somehow.
