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Wish my dad could see my little boy grow up

KGIFP240814
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I not sure how these chats work but I am struggling to cope with the loss of my dad. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in May last year and died on the 12th dec 2014. I am struggling to express how I am feeling, I was 5 and half months pregnant when my dad was diagnosed and my little boy was just 4 months old when he passed. I miss my dad so much he was my best friend and I just can't imagine not seeing him or speaking to him ever again.  My dad was an amazing man and I just feel lost And feel so sorry and sad that my little boy is never gonna remember or know his grandad and what an amazing grandad he was. I am of course going to tell stories and I am creating a memory book for my little boy to read but I just know it's not the same and it hurts. X 

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    Hi, 

    I am so sorry for you loss but I can fully understand how you feel and like you probably came here hoping to find someone who understands in the hope it will help. 

    My mum died of breast cancer In September and my little boy turned two in December. Like your dad she was my best friend and I struggle every day without her. I found out my mum was ill a week before I gave birth and so she was ill as long as my little boy has been here. I am expecting again in July so it's amplified the fact she's not here if that's even possible. 

    I don't know if it gets easier, honest people have told me it doesn't you just learn to deal with it better. I hope so. I don't know about you but it feel very lonely without my mum, I spoke to her everyday and honestly felt she was the only person who really knew me, who understood. 

    I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, i do understand, I have good days and I have bad days. On a good day I am greatful I had the time I did with her, that she Is no longer suffering and that she got to meet my little boy. On the bad days I am jealous of anyone else with a mum, mad at those that don't appreciate theirs and can't understand how im I will get through never speaking it her again. 

    But I have had a couple of nice dreams about her where she isn't sick, she's just her and I like to believe that is her helping me through when I reslly need it. 

     I hope I have made you feel less lone at least, sorry if it's waffle I haven't used these before just struggling I guess. 

    Becky 

  • Offline in reply to bex228

    I am do sorry about your mum it's so hard isn't it and no matter what anyone says or does there is a gap forever in our hearts and life's that no one can fill. I  just feel like I have been dropped in another life one that is cruel. My dad loved life he was the life and soul of any room and his laugh and smile brightened anyone's day he is missed by all of my family and friends. My mum is so strong but I know she is hurting so much they was each other's life's and she sometimes feels guilty because she is still here enjoying their grandsons (my brother has a 6 year old son too). I just wanted to come on here and talk as I want to be strong for my mum she doesn't need to see me crumble so I try hold my head high and carry on for mum. Inside though I just feel lost and I hurting that sometimes I feel so drained. I just can't handle not ever being able to speak to him Again and that my little boy will never have real memories of his pwn of his grandad. My dad was such a loving and caring man and was so proud of his family and worked hard everyday for all of us. I feel angry that my mum and dad should now be planning for their retirement and when they did retire in a few years be able to go and do all the things they used up talk about. I am so angry that they will never get the chance to enjoy it.. I am proud to say though we have the best family and friends around us would not be able to carry on without them. Dad would of been 60 last Friday so we sti wanted to celebrate how he would of. We all went away for the weekend and celebrated in style dad would of loved it he was missed so much he was the biggest part of our family and everyone is feeling the gap that he has left. I am just trying to figure out a way of coping as at the moment I am struggling to get through i just miss him and just want one of his big hugs that always made everything better x 

  • Offline in reply to KGIFP240814

    Hi Ladies,

    Hope you dont mind me posting to you both.

    KGIFP, I hope you dont mind me saying in a way I envy the relationship you had with your dad. I grew up with a step father who never spoke to me and who if he thought my mother showed to too much attention would take it out on her. My real father lives in Canada and I only got to meet him after my wife pushed me into finding him about 24 years ago. I can see that you treasure the memories you have of him and rightly so  for it sounds like he was a great father. I am lucky to have three grandchildren; a girl and two grandsons. The youngest one who is only nine was born with meobious syndrome and facial palsey so he cant smile. We were told he would never speak but I have never known someone so determined as him. He has proved the consultants wrong so many times and has leaned to talk through his trachyoctomy, although not as clearly as you or I. I lost my mother shortly after he was born and she never got to see or hold him. She would have been so proud of him for everywhere he goes, he has this way of making people laugh. He is such a charachter.

    With regard to what people say about it getting better with time, we never get over losing our loved ones but in time we do learn to adjust and to live a new way of life without them. But I dont think we ever forget them, nor should we, for our parents have helped shape who we have become both through the guidance they have given us and also through the genes they have passed on to us. I know this to be true in my case for when my wife and I went out to Canada to see my dad, everyone said how alike we were, both in likes and dislikes and mannerisuims. I think a memory book is a wonderful idea for your son.

    For both of you ladies the loss is still very recent and it does take time to accept our loss. Even now, eight years since losing my mother, simple little things still catch me out, like hearing a song she loved or seeing her favorite flower. What helps me when this happens is I think of the laughs we used to have and there were plenty of them and I find this helps me cope. I also believe that when we lose one of our parents, a part of them lives on inside of us for they have helped shape our lives and attitudes and I find this comforting.

    I apologise for rambling on but I do understand the pain you both feel at your loss. Take care, sending best wishes to both of you, Brian.

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