This was said to me on the phone a few days after my forty year old husband had died. She told me she knew exactly how I felt as she had just lost a dog! I love dogs and have always had at least four at any one time, BUT to think losing a loving husband and devoted father at just forty years of age is in anyway comparable to losing a dog beggars belief. I'm afraid I hung up on her and had no further conversations for months. Another few pet hates, 'time heals' , not it bloody doesn't the hurt scabs over a bit and can be torn open by a song, a smell or seeing someone in a crowd that looks like him.
The other one, 'you have your memories', yes I do but WE should still be making memories and enjoying our three beautiful granddaughters. He should have been there for his son's passing out parade when he joined the Police, when he got married, when they had their children.
He wasn't there to walk my daughter down the aisle when she got married or to see her first child born a year later. You cannot snuggle up to a photo, you can't talk any worries through about your kids when the most important person you need to do this with is long gone.
Ask people how they are doing only if you are prepared for them to be upset and you are prepared to put your arms around them and not say anything stupid. If you haven't been there don't say you know how they feel because YOU DON'T.
