My Grandad was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer four and a half weeks ago. He passed away a week ago on Wednesday. I still cannot get my head around how quickly he left us, when he seemed fine before. He was driving, jumping on the beach, walking around, catching the bus on holiday in Jersey. Yet the next minute he was unwell, admitted to hospital, transferred to the hospice and then nothing. 

My whole family is in shock. My mum has a flat voice, though she is the stoic one leading everyone else through it. My Grandma is in denial and making my mum and my Aunt's lives a nightmare. We are all dealing with the shock and loss in very different ways. My sister has also taken the stoic approach, but I don't think that it's yet hit her. We both got engaged at the end of last year and now we do not have Grandad at our weddings. 

My Grandad wasn't  small wisened man. He was 6ft tall, looked at least 20 years younger than his 83 years and while in hispital he could still finish the newspaper crossword in under 20 minutes. I think this younger appearance and mind tricked into a false sense of security that he would always be here. 

It catches me unwawares when I least expect it. I feel overwhlemed and panicked becaue I can't recall if I rang him on his birthday. I wish I had taken him to the breakfast hut near our house. I wish I had emailed him more, talked to him more, listened to him more. I wish I had read more books with him. The regrets seems to outweigh the happy thoughts at the moment - I hope this will be swayed in a more positive way soon.

We were much closer than the average grandfather/grandaughter relationship, my family is very involved in each others lives! We also spend summer and after holiday after weekend with my Grandparents and we loved every second. I am so sad that he is gone. I feel that my heart is broken. I love him very much.