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Loss of my beautiful Mum Sandra

KatL1998x
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I lost my Mum Sandra in October 2024. She passed 8 weeks after being diagnosed with metastatic oesophageal cancer. She was 58 at the time she passed and I was 26. She spent her last few weeks at home where I took care of her every hour of the day. She was then admitted into hospital and passed 5 days later. My mum was the most selfless, caring and amazing woman I have ever known and I was so blessed to call her Mum. I miss her so much, I miss her laugh, her voice, her smell and just having her there to talk to. When she passed I took some time off work and then returned but recently I’ve been signed back off of work due to my mental health and really struggling with my grief. I know I have accepted that she’s gone but I really struggle to accept that I will never see her again in this lifetime. She won’t be there when I get married, she won’t be able to be my birthing partner when I have my first child. I just want her back and there is no words to describe the constant heartache that I have. I’m homesick for a person. Sending love to anyone else who is also going through this awful feeling

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat KatL1998x, although I'm really sorry to hear you lost your mum to advanced oesophageal cancer two years ago.

    I can't begin to imagine how difficult life has been for you without having Sandra by your side but I want to assure you that you are not alone as so many of our members know just how difficult it is to cope with the grief that losing a beloved parent brings and the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with it, and I'm sure it won't be long until you receive some words of support and advice from our very empathetic community. 

    I'm not sure from your post if you have tried or looked in bereavement counselling or grief support before but if not, maybe now is the time. If you feel this is something that could help then don't hesitate to get in touch with your GP to find out more and reach out to bereavement charities such as Cruse Bereavement Care and Sue Ryder who both offer comfort and support to anyone who is struggling with their loss.

    As you've said, this is an awful feeling to contend with but our thoughts are with you KatL1998x and hopefully with the help and support of others you will find a way through this once more.

    Do keep posting if you find it helps, and remember that we'll always be here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    I’m so sorry for your loss. What you describe as being “homesick for a person” really captures grief so well. There’s no set timeline, so please be gentle with yourself and take things one day at a time. Sending you lots of love.

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    Hi i am just reaching out, i lost my mum to oesophageal cancer last november. She had just turned 56. Im still absolutely broken and, like you, struggling to accept that i will never see her again xx

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    Hi Kat, im so sorry for your loss, you sound like a wonderful and dedicated daughter. I just lost my mum two weeks ago and I am also in my early twenties so I really understand where you are coming from. I really struggle with the idea of being without her on those big milestones. your mum sounds like a truly beautiful person, and I love the name Sandra. what is comforting me is the idea that she will always be with me, in the traditions I pass on and the faces my babies have. I am also still talking to her, in my head, or with a cup of tea when im alone. not to sound nuts but it is really helping me. im sending you so much love and healing. 

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    hi   i am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through and the loss of your mum. it sounds like she was also your best friend. i completely relate and resonated with “im homesick for a person”. i actually said this exact thing myself a couple of weeks ago. i feel physically in pain like my heart is actually broken. i never thought it was possible to feel these feelings. i am also heartbroken that my mum won’t see me get married or be a grandma for the first time. i also went back to work recently but have significant mental health problems (i have bipolar) and ive been trying to get support for years but to no avail. the nhs is a mess. i genuinely don’t know how to navigate this world without my mum, the only one that loved me unconditionally and fully understood me. i also don’t know how i can do this with my bipolar. it is just so hard and i feel for you having to go through this too. i’ve signed up for a lot of free online support groups through the loss foundation including one for under 40 year olds who have lost a parent to cancer. check them out, hopefully they help. my mum was only 55 when she died on 30 july, and i’m 36. the pain is immeasurable. sending you love ️ 

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    Hi there, 

    I just wanted to write a reply to everyone who has replied to my post. Sorry I’m a little late as I haven’t been back on since I posted it. I have been struggling so much and now with the run up to Christmas it’s getting worse. I recently decorated the house I once shared with my mum and although it’s beautiful and I love it it’s also so sad that I never got to show my mum or share it with her again. I really am so sorry to every single one of you who is also experiencing something to similar to myself, there is no pain like it, no words to describe it. Sending an extra hug as the festive period is approaching. Please know I am always here to listen x

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