I’m not sure where to begin this post or even what I’m hoping to gain from it, but I guess I just want to know what other people’s experiences have been of losing their mum while pregnant.
Some back story, I’m 34 and incredibly close to my mum (69), she’s my absolute rock and when I told her she was going to be a grandma she was completely over the moon. It would be her first grandchild and something she’s been desperate for, for years.
I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. My mum has had cancer twice before and courageously fought each time. The last time was 3 years ago, it was triple negative breast cancer and once her chemo finished we were all kind of just left to assume it was done and over. She had to really battle to get a final CT scan just to check there wasn’t any further spread.
Fast forward to 1 month ago, my mum was complaining of tiredness, lack of appetite and generally feeling a bit meh. She’d already spent a month at this point trying to see a GP, have blood tests etc etc because she felt something was wrong and given her history she wanted to make sure everything was ok.
3 weeks ago, after finally getting a CT scan (and her health declining further), she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. They believed the triple negative breast cancer had either never gone away or resurfaced. She spent two weeks in hospital progresssively getting worse and the doctors basically told us there was nothing they could do.
She passed away last week, 2 weeks after being diagnosed. My whole life feels like it’s come to a halt. My husband is being incredibly supportive but my dad, who I have a complicated relationship with, isn’t doing well. His wife (my stepmum) passed away from cancer almost exactly a year ago, and he really relied on my mum for support, (they’ve been good friends in recent years). So he isn’t emotionally able to really be there to support my brother and I.
My brother and I are now faced with having to clear out and sell our family home and plan the funeral on top of the fact that I’m due to give birth in 3 months time. It’s all just too much to comprehend and I don’t feel like I’ve even begin to acknowledge what’s happened. The thought of my mum never meeting my little boy devastates me. We were lucky enough to have chance tell her his name which brings me some comfort but I am just terrified of the day when it all hits me, along with going into motherhood without my own mother by my side. I just don’t know how to deal with it all and the prospect of a year’s maternity leave coming up now just feels horribly lonely. I guess I just want to know if anyone has been through anything similar. Currently I just feel completely numb, I also feel angry, like it could have been prevented and I’m finding myself going over so many thoughts about how it all could have been different. I know I’ll get through it, my mum said it herself, but I’m worried I’m trying so hard to be brave I’m just going to end up completely crashing and I don’t want it to affect the new little life I’m about to bring into the world.
