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I have lost my mum to glioblastoma and am struggling to accept she’s gone forever

Imogen1234
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My mum had a funny turn at the end of October 2025 and was gone by the end of January 2026, only 3 months and she had nothing else wrong with her

She had been shopping and when she came home all of her words were coming out wrong and she seemed panicky, I called an ambulance and on arrival to hospital she had a seizure. When they scanned her they found a mass on the left side of her brain. I was so positive and hopeful it was just a benign tumour which could be removed, but when we went to see the consultant 2 weeks later he told us it was stage 4 glioblastoma and was incurable. He said with surgery and treatment we may be able to hope for another 1-2 years together. She was completely normal at this point because the steroids she’d been put on had taken the swelling down so it was hard to imagine her not being around for much longer. She didn’t want the surgery but she agreed to it for me and my daughter. I have some guilt over that though as she was never quite the same afterwards. She struggled with simple tasks and was very confused and forgetful which was sad to see because she was so frustrated and hated being dependent on others.

I moved in with her and did my very best to look after her, at times I struggled with my patience which I feel horrible about now but it was so intense and tiring. I took her to all her radiotherapy appointments and she seemed to be getting worse not better. She finished the chemo tablets and was on a break before the next cycle and suddenly just went rapidly downhill and had another seizure. She became very weak then and I managed to get her in the hospice, which she was really upset with me about because she had become a bit childlike and just wanted to be at home, not having any consideration to how stressful and upsetting it was for me and my daughter to have the worry of her falling or something bad happening  and not knowing how to cope with it. I visited her every day but she passed away a week later.

She was my best friend in the world I am lost without her. It has been just over 7 weeks now and I sup se I’ve been so busy sorting everything out i haven’t really broken down too much yet, but she is always on my mind all of the time. I miss her so much. I still can’t actually believe I’ll never see er again

  • Hello Imogen1234

    I'm so very sorry to hear that you lost your Mum a few weeks ago, and not too long after her cancer diagnosis. It sounds like it's been a whirlwind few months for you, and it's understandable that it feels hard to believe what has happened at times. 

    Losing a loved one can be incredibly difficult and it sounds like you and your Mum were very close. It's natural to feel overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions at times as you begin to navigate this journey of coping with grief. 

    Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating. I hope that you have support from loved ones around you and your daughter. I know that many people have found it helpful to seek bereavement support after the loss of a loved one. It may be that the hospice where your Mum was cared for offers this service or alternatively, you could contact a charity such as Cruse for some grief counselling. There's also lots of support and advice about coping with grief available on the Marie Curie website. 

    Try not to look too far ahead into the future at the moment Imogen1234, if it feels too overwhelming. Instead, be kind to yourself and take things a day at a time. If a day feels too long, then just go hour by hour and reach out to your friends and those who can offer support in those moments. 

    If it would help to talk things through with one of our team of nurses, you're most welcome to give them a call. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, informarion and support they can. They're available Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

    Keep posting here in the Cacner Chat forum if it helps to have a safe place to put down in writing how you're feeling, ask questions or chat with others who understand. We're here for you. 

    Sending you and your daughter our best wishes at this difficult time. 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    I just read your post with tears in my eyes. It is over twenty years since I lost my own lovely mum to terminal cancer (oesophageal, to liver) and I can relate so powerfully with some of what you are feeling and my heart goes out to you. Feeling guilty will not help, though I think it is something we all go through. You clearly encouraged your mum to have surgery for all the right, loving reasons; we can only ever do what we think and  hope will help at the time. It is so hard to think straight when under such stress and pressure; it all feels so unreal.

    Like your mum, mine was fit and well up until the terrible diagnosis, by which time they more or less said there was nothing they could do. I always regretted not fighting against the consultant's no-hope attitude. My mum died at home, which is what I wanted, but everyone's situation is different  and you chose to do what you thought would be best to keep your mum safe: all any of us can ever do is what we hope is the right thing at the time.  I can also relate to your feelings about moments of impatience. I can remember the extreme fatigue I felt during the last few days of her life and the terrible, crushing fear of what was to come.  I think anyone in our respective positions can afford to forgive ourselves if, at times, we were not at our best and, in retrospect, wish so much that we had handled certain situations better. The thing about mums is that they always understand and think the best of us.  I imagine if your mum was her well, pre-illness self  and could see how you are suffering now, she would tell you that she knows that you did your best for her and would be encouraging you to look after yourself and not fret over things you cannot change.

    You are in my thoughts.

    Spacey x

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Thank you so much. Myself and my daughter are being helped by the hospice we are both receiving counselling I am so grateful to them all for how amazing they were with my mum and continue to be for me and my daughter. I just wish I could go back and have one more chat with her, or even just sit and watch a film with her, I miss her so so much. X

  • Offline in reply to Spacey

    Your message has really helped me today, thank you! You’re right, I am having guilt and regrets over encouraging her to have the treatment, feeling maybe it would’ve been better to just let her go even quicker than she did, whereas you had feelings of regret at not fighting it more…you can’t win can you cancer is just such a horrible thing. My dad died of it too when I was 10, so my worst fear has always been my mum getting it too and now this has happened. 
    but you are so right, I know my mum pre illness was the most selfless lady in the world and I was always number one to her, she wouldn’t want me to feel bad I know that deep down, and she knew how much I loved her. I just wish I could have a break from thinking the whole thing over and over, stop replaying her weak moments when she was so sad at losing control, sad about her hair coming out and things like that it breaks my heart every time I see it in my mind. She didn’t want to die, she should still be here she always took such good care of herself and was so healthy it’s not fair. Anyway I’m rambling on, I just wanted to say thank you so much for your reply it does help hearing from people who understand because they’ve lived it themselves x 

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