Hello Dizzy16, 

I just wanted to welcome you to our forum and I wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss - it's all still so raw for you as it only happened a few days ago and I wanted to send you our sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. 

The last few weeks must have been rather traumatic for you and being by his side in those final moments is bound to have marked you permanently and it must be hard not to think about all this and for these images to be stuck in your head. 

The feelings you describe, the numbness and feeling hollow are sadly a normal part of the grieving process and with time nicer images will replace the ones you are having now or the current ones won't be so vivid and you can remember your dad the way he was and the happy memories you shared. As you rightly say, you are still under the shock of those final moments and it might be useful for you to read the information we have on our website on coping with grief and you might recognise some of the emotions you are feeling. It's important to remember though that the cycle of grief is a very personal one and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. 

We are thinking of you during this difficult time and wanted you to know that you are not alone. So many other members of our forum have also sadly lost a parent and it can help sometimes to talk to others who understand exactly what you are going through at the moment and how hard it can be.

If you feel that it all gets too overwhelming or that your sleep or quality of life are being disrupted, feel free to get in touch with your GP and don't hesitate to go into detail as to how you are feeling. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator