Moving On After Ovarian Cancer Loss

My former wife had succumbed to ovarian cancer at the end of 2025 and despite this type having a deadly reputation, some of this was unfortunately down to her own making and not entirely down to the High Grade Serous Carcinoma that she was diagnosed with. I have looked through her medical letters dating back to 2020 and there did seem to be a constant pattern emerging in that she did not have a normal menopause. She had an ultrasound scan done at the time following a bleeding episode and it would appear that following medical advice that she should have her uterus and ovaries removed to mitigate the risk as one of her Fillopean tubes was inflamed citing an enhanced risk of a gynaecological cancer with the next 5 years (there was a history of deadly cancers in her side of the family of which none of them had survived 2 years after initial diagnosis). Unfortunately, she made the choice to ignore that advice to have the procedure done in early 2021 and within 3 years in 2024 was diagnosed with stage 3C ovarian cancer. She also had significant mental health issues in the last years of her life and left an unexpected legacy in her wake. Even if I am not raising awareness of ovarian cancer, I have had loads of other women asking me (as a male and for someone who does not have a womb or ovaries) about my late wife's health in the last years of her life and quite naturally, they want to know about the early stage symptoms and one of them is bleeding during or after the menopause is a tell-tale sign, bloating, increasing frequency of sharp abdominal pains, fatigue and tiredness as well as visiting the loo more often. I have now handed over most of her belongings and posessions to Cancer Research where they can sell this on and raise money for fight against cancer in general.

  • I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your former wife to ovarian cancer & that it may have been avoidable.

    It's difficult to understand why a patient may choose not to follow medical advice but, having had several close relatives pass away with cancer & myself being a Stage 3 cancer patient, I've learned to accept that the decision is, in the end, down to that individual. I know that consideration 'should' be paid to those who will be affected most by their ill health and death, but it's their life - not ours.

    My dad's sister died from ovarian cancer - she had chemo & then, after the first radio, decided not to carry on with the treatment. She lasted another year before passing away at the age of 80. We weren't happy (being a very small family) but her husband (they were childless) accepted her decision, albeit he was distraught. She had been diagnosed after losing blood.

    Four years later my mum went to the GP with a bad back. It turned out to be a secondary tumour on her spine - primary was ovarian cancer. She had had no symptoms. Within a week of diagnosis she suffered spinal cord compression & was paralysed. Mum sadly passed away 4 weeks later. She had no decision to make - it was too late for any treatment.

    Dad had a cousin who had ovarian cancer at the age of 60. It was caught early, successfully treated & she lived another 23 years.

    Ovarian cancer is a deadly cancer but everyone's experience is different when it comes down to symptoms, treatment & decisions to be made. 

    I hope the donations of your former wife's possessions will help cancer research and will help towards some closure for yourself.

    Angie (Stage 3 melanoma patient since 2009)

  • Offline in reply to AngieT

    Thanks Angie for your response.

    Unfortunately my wife later conceded a couple of months before her death that she had been living with on her conscious for the past 5 years since the initial alert 5 years ago.

    She was not afraid of having a surgical procedure done and also had the money as she had inherited a lot from her late father and also a life long friend to have both a hysterectomy and ovaries removed at the same time. She had said that she had wanted to keep that money aside in case she had needed a life saving operation but had unfortunately decided against it. I do know that had I managed to persuade her to have that procedure then she would not had developed ovarian in the first place and also she would not had the severe mental illness that had come with it.

    I respect that it was her decision at the end of the day but what I find puzzling is why she had decided not to go through with it given that she did have a happy and successful marriage with myself. That is not to say that she could had got cancer somewhere else in her body as her family had a history of it but could had lived for many more years and see her daughters get married and also start families of their own. Although I will still be able to see that, unfortunately for my late wife that it is going to be another lady in my life who will be able to witness that even though she would not be their biological mother.