I'm so sorry to read of your mums passing, I too lost my mum to cancer but this was bowel cancer. She was diagnosed in July and we were positive on every step  treatment, scans, outcome, than bam 7 months into the treatment she was detoriating before our eyes, passed in the hospice 1 week after admission. My mum gave up the fight, she was my world, my go to and the glue to us all.

I have had grief counselling through the hospice and this did help. My children are my strength to carry on, some days are worst than others, its my 50th tomorrow and we planned to have a big party for her, myself and my daughter and her partner, all milestones but i cant go through this knowing she's no longer here.

I'm still in shock  her passing wasn't peaceful and I stop myself living the image daily as I would crumble. I don't speak to my dad or brother as our differences became too much so I stood back from them both , I'm angry sometimes too why my mum, she was loved and cared about us all, those that don't are stil here it's hurtful.

I can only take it day by day. Its too upsetting knowing I will never hear her or see her again.  I find talking to my mum helps me and her voice comes back to me in my mind. 

My mum said she never wanted to leave us but I had to tell her we were fine  we are OK  worst lie I ever told. She was there for my first breath and I was there for her last. I try to be happy but not always easy.

Don't be hard on yourself, cry, scream do what you wish. No right or wrong way to grief. Take care.

Feel free to chat.

Best wishes

Emma x