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Other half passed - we were together for 32 years. I can't see the point in anything, I just cry.

Michelle1975
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Sorry to bother everyone.

50 days ago my husband died, it was 57 days from diagnosis to him passing. We were together from when I met him one night at a party and 2 weeks later i moved 200 miles to move in with him. We were together 32 years. We have 3 grown up children and one little boy. If it were not for my boy I would be with my husband. I cant see the point in anything, I just cry . I hate myself for not being the mum my boy needs and im trying but I just get him breakfast ,take him to school then lie in bed and cry until its time to pick him up. Im angry that I wake up . 2 of my elder children that live away have just got on with life. My other elder child is still at home and I know she is doing way too much but everything is just a struggle. 

  • Hi Michelle1975,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. You're not bothering anyone - it's exactly what we're here for. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. This must be so incredibly difficult and I can only imagine how tough and raw everything is feeling.

    Try if you can to be kind to yourself - I'm sure you're doing right by your boy, and it may help to try to accept that you may not be able to give everything all the time, and that you need your own space too.

    It may be hard to see at the moment but try to keep believing that things will get a little easier - or more manageable. In the meantime, take things day by day - or hour by hour if it helps.

    There is support available if you need it, and it may be helpful to talk to someone. Organisations such as Cruse are available, with various resources, helplines, and also information about local support.

    We are always here on the forum too whenever you may need it, even if it's just to write things down. From the homepage of the forum you can also use the search bar to find other relevant discussions and people to connect with, if you'd like to.

    Look after yourself and keep in touch. Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi michelle,wow you have so much to deal with,cancer is cruel and sometimes harder for the people left behind,my parents died days apart after 60years together,my heart broke in a,million pieces,now i have found strenght to fight my own cruel battle,stay stong and always here if u need to chatx

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    Hi Michelle1975

    I can understand how you feel. My husband died 8 weeks ago. It’s so hard to believe he’s not here anymore and never will be. Rationally of course I know he’s gone but I’m beset with what if and could I have type thoughts. I’ve read this is normal but that gut wrenching feeling where you just want to cry and shout out is awful.

    You are managing a bit at a time. You’re getting your lad to school and picking him up again. You can see how your child who’s still at home is helping as much as they can. So in some ways you’re really doing ok!

    I’m doing quite a lot of things but sometimes i feel panicky and almost physically sick. My grown up daughter and her boyfriend live quite close by. It’s wonderful that they want to spend time with me but I’m trying not to depend on them. I expect like me you’re feeling so sad that all the things you thought you had time to share and do with your husband has been snatched away from you. I struggle with all sorts of things that trigger grief attacks. Seeing someone on TV visiting somewhere we went together, hearing people talk about future plans knowing it’s incredibly difficult for me to think of what the future will be like is soul destroying.

    However, I have friends who lost their other half years ago and they have got on with life in time,  having holidays, getting involved in all sorts of new activities. I take heart from them hoping that I’ll be able to do the same. I’m sure this will happen for me and you too but we’ll all get on at our own pace and we will have extremely low times on the way. Thinking of you xx

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