Hi LuciaM, 

I am so sorry for your loss - it's so hard to lose your dad and I can imagine you have been missing him greatly. It can be especially hard during this festive period. Sometimes an important event like the big exam you have coming up can be triggering and the grief becomes suddenly even more intense. As you say, it's probably because it's the first exam you have to take since he passed away and he was such a big support before whenever you had an exam so it can leave a feeling of emptiness. When you go to your exam take with you in your mind the memory of your dad's support and it will stay with you forever even now that he is not there and I hope all goes well and I wanted to wish you the best of luck for your exam. 

I think you are right - this grief you are feeling is indeed a testament to a dad you adored and who adored you too and the love you had for one another will remain in your heart forever and it is such a beautiful thing even if you feel desperately sad at times. We have detailed information on our website on coping with grief which explains really well the complex feelings involved in the grieving process and it is not unusual to go through a range of feelings. If you feel it's a bit too much, get in touch with your GP who might suggest you get some grief counselling or who may have some helpful advice for you to help you cope when you have your exam for example. 

There are many members of our community who have sadly lost a loved one to cancer and who will completely understand what you are going through at the moment. It can help too to talk to others who are in the same situation and I hope someone on here will come and say hello and share their experience with you. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator