Welcome to Cancer Chat, helen_vrl

I’m sorry to hear what your family is facing right now. It’s such a heavy situation for all of you, and it’s completely understandable that you’re trying to support your husband and your children while also dealing with your own feelings.

With your husband, sometimes the kindest support is simply giving him space to talk when he feels ready, or even just sitting together quietly when words are too much. Little practical things like helping with everyday tasks or suggesting a small walk may help.

With your children, especially your youngest, keeping the conversations simple and honest can help them understand what’s happening at a pace they can manage. I found this page from Maggie’s that might be useful as it gives  guidance on talking with children about cancer in a child-friendly way.

The other page I wanted to share comes from our website and addresses how to support someone who is caring for a loved one and how families can cope together.

Hopefully our members will come along shortly with more ideas and advice but until then stay strong and remember to be gentle with yourself as well - you are doing a lot while going through a very hard time.

Best wishes to you and your family,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

My heart breaks for you all.  I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer a few years ago and am going through my own cancer nightmare at the moment.  

I have dealt with the questions from my goddaughter honestly and straightforwardly. My advice would be answer in age appropriate terms that your children will understand.  When my husband died she was only 6 and I explained to her that I was really sad and cried a lot.  At some years older now she said to me recently that she didn’t know what to say and I reassured her that it was ok not to know what to say and it was really brave to tell me that.  I encouraged her to ask me any questions she wanted to which she did.  I think you have to let them ask the questions in their own time.  Perhaps they can go to see their grandmother and that might prompt questions afterwards?  Do take advice from professionals in steering this difficult path for you all.

Regarding your husband I’d say listen to him and be there to support and give him a hug which I am sure you are doing.  Take it from someone who knows, it might be a living nightmare now but with time you will be able to remember the happy times and that the fact that your mother-in-law enriched all your lives.  

Stay strong.