it’s really hard when someone dies & for anyone out there I feel for you all.  My dear sister died after 6weeks ,having pancreatic cancer!  Such a shock to everyone. All a year ago!

soon after my husband died of a blood cancer, he was in limbo with it for some 10 yrs and the last 5 yrs were awful!   Much as I tried he wouldn’t talk about it & our relationship fell apart so it was the most difficult, painful thing I’d dealt with!   Not having my sister to help me through was to say the least very hard!  However, a very good neighbour saw how this was affecting me & without him I would not have got through it… now he has moved on to his own life …. I do understand & would not break any boundaries!  I do miss him though!  Everyone else is just trying to be nice but he made me feel stronger, he’d been through a bad loss , before I knew him! My family didn’t see  what was going on, or didn’t want to!   I try to get out , I have a dog & my 2 cats bring me great love.

A human touch is what I miss , so although I see people during the day… it’s when you go indoors at night & you are completely on your own!   My animals do help! Yesterday I had a very important eye check, I’m diabetic, so needed to go… I really messed up & became really stressed & my concentration went, they were very kind, I was completely alone as I’d had to go by myself! Now I’m waiting to see what happens next!  I just want to get on with my life, how I really don’t know!   

i understand that people need to have their own life & my daughter doesn’t really understand how scared I feel!  I have always been really independent & asking for help is so hard, I know I need to as friends are in very short supply, all older & some have been through illness or died!   So I do understand how much it affects you!

All my love goes out to those who are struggling!

Barb xx