Hi Erl, 

There is probably nothing harder than losing your soulmate. Suddenly there must be this big emptiness in your life and I just wanted to give you our sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. It is all still incredibly raw for you and the tears are flowing and you can't control them and it's ok to cry. Working in mental health you do know all the coping strategies but this is a time when sometimes you just can't go by the book and you need to express your emotions. Sometimes people try to mean well by offering to help and giving their opinions when you really didn't ask for these and you could perhaps just tell them gently that you appreciate their offer but that at the moment, what you need is time alone to grieve. There is no right or wrong way to grieve but I thought I would share with you our page on coping with grief which explains how grief is deeply personal and you might go through so many stages and emotions and it can all feel a little bit overwhelming at times. 

I am so sorry that you will be losing your job due to taking all your sick leave nursing your soulmate for the past 6 months. I am not sure whether you were happy where you worked and if there is a way they could take all that happened into account and keep you there or if in the long term when you feel ready you would like to look for other work opportunities. Your soulmate was so lucky to be with someone like you who provided love and support 24 hours a day and I am sure they were really appreciative of everything you did. I can imagine that during the funeral you felt a little bit like people were offering empty words of support when they were nowhere to be seen when you needed them. Sad events like this can make us re-evaluate our friendships and that one and only friend who was with you during these difficult times may be moving away but they will always be there for you I think and I hope that you will be able to keep in touch. 

If you feel it is all getting a bit much and you are struggling on a daily basis, get in touch with your GP and don't hesitate to mention how you have been feeling as I am sure they will be able to help and offer guidance on how to deal with the days ahead. 

Sadly too many members of our community have been in a similar place before and have also lost their partner or someone they had a deep connection with and I hope that they will come and say hello and share their story and supportive words with you. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time and I just wanted you to know you are not alone and the forum is always there for you anytime you need to talk or write things down. 

Warmest wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator