I lost my mum in December and my heart is breaking. I’m the person that everyone comes to for advice and I feel awful I couldn’t do more to help her. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 3.5 years before she died. The chemo weakened her bones and she broke both hips in the last year of her life. She was 72. I lost my dad as a child and I’m the same age he was when he died (44). This grief feels so heavy and different - I had my mum to help me get through grief when my dad died, obviously this time I don’t have her for support. 

I can’t get my head around everyone just moving on, the world keeps spinning and I want time to go backwards to when she was here. It feels like all the colour has been drained out of my world. Just mundane things like going food shopping, I see things she would have liked and special offers on. Mum was big on celebrating and family time and when we met up it would involved food and she would always bake something to bring along. I would speak to her almost everyday and tell her things that most people wouldn’t be interested in - like what I’m having for tea etc

it really does feel so final and unfair I will never see or speak to her again.