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Am I a weak man? Struggling to cope with the loss of my youngest son (44) to cancer

grymax1
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I was a member of the armed forces for a long time, and yes in the course of some of my duties, unfortunately people were more than harmed. no one wanted this, but it happens. Although this prays on the mind of any soldier,you have to accept this and carry on. what you are not trained for is that your youngest son dies of cancer at 44 years old leaving behind his wife and two lovely children. I thought that my training would kick in somehow, but I just cannot stop crying, I put on a brave face for my wife and my daughter in law, and the grandkids, but when I am on my own I just fall to pieces. Is this normal behaviour or am I just weak?

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    Sir, you are NOT a weak Man.  You are a grieving Father who has lost his child and you have every right to be devastated.  My husband was also in the forces and like yourself, he did not think that anything could ever 'get' to him, but when I was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago, and am now terminal, he freely admits that it has brought him to his knees like nothing else ever has.  Please do not hold your grief in..........why not tell your wife exactly how you feel?  This is something that you should go through together, not separately.  Please don't feel ashamed of your perfectly natural emotions..........there is no amount of training in the world that can EVER prepare you for the kind of loss that you have suffered......you have lost your child.......your baby boy.........you are not a block of ice or a piece of cold and hard stone......you are HUMAN BEING and your grief for your Son is absolutely normal.  I wish that there were some words of comfort that I could give you, but the only thing I can do is to offer my deepest and sincere condolences to you and your family, I truly feel for you.  

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    That is very normal behaviour. Would you think your wife or daughter-in-law weak if they fell to pieces when on their own or if they could not stop crying? I am sure you wouldn't. So give yourself the same grace. Losing a child is a terrible tragedy. It's not weak at all to grieve.

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    Let me tell you, it is absolutely normal behaviour and it takes only a real man to cry due to the loss of their loved one. I lost my wonderful life partner and soul mate of almost 20 years. I cry when I am with close friends of ours, I cry on my own...I cry when I chat online to my mother....Nobody ever trains you to be prepared for the possibility of losing a loved one....

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    I think it's absolutely ok to cry when you are alone.  I don't think you'd find many human beings who have never cried when they are on their own ......And sure it is so good for you, physically and mentally, to "let it all out". In fact I think professionals would be much more worried about you if you did not do this .

    Crying in front of others is also completely understandable and the chances are that they are grieving just as much as you.  Seeing you cry might actually help them to express how they are feeling and then you can mutually support each other 

    All the best

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