Hello chrismh2002, 

I am so sorry about your recent loss and it is normal to still be struggling - 5 months is not a very long time and sometimes it takes a few months for the grief you feel to really sink in as you may have felt a bit numb in the first few weeks and months. It is also a common occurrence to relive the past and think about what you might have done differently and our page on Coping with Grief explains really well how the cycle of grief works and the different stages of grief and emotions you might experience. One of these is guilt when people "might go over things they would have liked to say or do before the person died." Feeling this way is very common and even though you feel you didn't make contact with your mum as much as you would have liked to, you mustn't feel bad about it; life sometimes gets in the way and it is clear that you reached out to her regularly and that you spoke to her very often after she was diagnosed with cancer and that I am sure meant a lot to her. Your love for your mum was very strong and you clearly had a great bond.

If you feel you are struggling to cope and things are not getting any better, I would perhaps get in touch with your GP who might be able to suggest something that will help you whenever you feel it is all a bit too much such as grief counselling for example. 

You are not alone though and you have come to the right place to talk to others who have also lost a parent to cancer recently and I hope that someone will be along shortly to share their story with you. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator