I lost my mum 3 years ago now and March would have been her birthday, every year now when this month rolls around, I feel a big black cloud descend and each year it gets harder.

the grief is all consuming, some days it takes my breath away. To the outside world, I look like I’m coping but I’m not. I Have a little boy who’s nearly 4, he was 9 months old when my mum died so I had no choice but to get on with it, I had to survive. I feel so much sadness that she’s not here to see my little boy grow, I feel anger that that was taken from us and from her, people say to me, oh she’s with you, she watches over you both and I know they mean well but I dont want her to be watching over us, I want her to be here with us. 

the thought of living the rest of my life without her is so overwhelming and it feels so unfair and I feel so lonely.