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In a deep hole. Recently lost my husband to terminal cancer. Really worried about how my daughter is coping

Thegirls
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I recently lost my husband to terminal cancer after a very long two years. 
 We have twin girls, 22, one of which is managing to cope as she has a very busy university course. The other, however, has more time on her hands and is progressively becoming worse. She has, quite literally given up. She says things like ‘ there’s no point in me being here’ etc. she is currently seeing a councillor and I am today, taking her to a doctor as the councillor has suggested medication. 
I selfishly feel like I cannot grieve. I’m beyond worried about my daughter and the devastating impact my husbands death has left on her, on us all. 
I foolishly thought that our lives, while difficult, would involve us all , moving as one in the hope of eventually accepting. I’m so alarmed at the deterioration of my daughter and can only hope that some interim medication has an immediate effect. 

  • Hello Thegirls

    I'm so very sorry to hear about the recent loss of your husband after a long illness. Undoubtedly this will have been an incredibly difficult time for you all and I can only imagine the devastation his loss has caused for you and your girls. 

    Grief impacts us all differently and I'm sorry to hear that your one daughter is struggling considerably with the loss of her Dad. It's good to know that she's already having support from a counsellor and I hope that the appointment with the GP earlier this week was helpful. It's not uncommon for people to struggle with low mood whilst they are grieving the loss of a loved one so hopefully the GP has been able to help with suggestions that will support your daughter to begin to move forward on this journey. If her GP has prescribed medication then keep in mind that this can sometimes take a while to begin to make a difference so stick with it. 

    It's natural as a Mum that you are worried about your girls and the impact of everything that the three of you have been through since your husband was first diagnosed. I can understand that you've perhaps put your own grief to one side while you try to support them in theirs. What I would say is that it's important for all of you that you also take the time that you need to grieve. It's not selfish to want to be able to grieve so don't be afraid to reach out for support whether that is from family, friends or health professionals. It's important that you take care of yourself as well as being able to support your girls. 

    If it would help to talk things through with one of our nurses for some advice and support you're most welcome to give them a call. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information and support they can. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

    This is a path that none of you have travelled before so be kind to yourselves, take each day at a time and reach out for support from those around you as you navigate things.

    Keep in touch if it helps to have a safe space to put down in writing how you're feeling, to chat with others who understand or to ask questions. We're here for you. 

    Sending you all my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator  

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