Sorry this might be a bit of a rambly post. I’m 20 and my grandad is in his 80s. He’s my last male grandparent left (I had another grandad and a step grandfather who both had cancer too but psssed away around 6/7 years ago) and I live away from home at uni. I came back for a weekend this weekend and I’ve found out he only has been told he has about 6 months left. He’s signed a DNR and has told my dad he is worried about my nana being on her own and being lonely. It’s broken my heart.

I saw him as soon as I got back and am planning on seeing him and my nana today before I go back to uni. I try to call as much as I can but sometimes life just gets in the way and they aren’t very tech savvy so a face time (which somehow seems easier) isn’t really an option. I’ve made a promise to myself I will call at least once a week. 

I know my grandad is in pain but for now he is quite active still, though a bit more wobbly and frail. It is hard. I feel sad being away at uni and not being around as much. I think he’s planning on being at home and not in a hospice (I don’t think he’s properly thought about it yet) but I’m worried I will get a call and have to come down and what if I miss him or the trains are late? I’m worried when I see him later I won’t see him again because 6 months is just an estimate isn’t it? I feel like grief is so much harder as an adult because I’ve had him all of my childhood but he won’t be at my wedding or see my kids. It’s just so hard. I’m worried about forgetting his voice and his stories. I already miss him even though he’s still here.