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I feel so lost - my partner passed away a few days ago. I've cried so much and I am so heartbroken

Butterfly1966
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I lost my partner a few days ago and I am feeling so sad and lost. He was only 58. We were together for 4 years when we were very young and then our paths crossed again 6 years ago and we got back together. 
He had always suffered with acid reflux and would often throw up his food. I begged him to go to the doctors and he said not to worry he had been suffering with these symptoms for years before I even was with him. The symptoms got worse in the summer and then he was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer at the end of November after an endoscopy . He went for various scans and we hoped he would have treatment. Then just after the new year we were told he was terminal and had 3-6 months at the most and he would not get any treatment. The cancer had spread to the liver, lungs and bones. I only got 3 weeks with him and they were the most painful 3 weeks. He lost so much weight, was being sick all the time and his skin turned yellow. Nothing prepared me for how quickly he would deteriorate. He was so brave through all of it. Now I am just heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have cried non stop for weeks now since we were told and I am exhausted. If anyone can give me any support advice I would really appreciate it.xx

  • Hello Butterfly1966

    I’m so very sorry to read your post. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to have such a short time to come to terms with your partner’s cancer before sadly losing him so suddenly. The death of a loved one is incredibly painful no matter what the circumstances. It can be difficult to cope with the wide range of strong emotional and physical reactions to grief. Remember, you’re never alone. Talking about what happened can be a helpful way to come to terms with a death. Speaking with close family and friends, a bereavement group or a counsellor may help ease some of the emotional stress. I would urge you to speak to your GP as they can prescribe short-term medication to help you cope. They can also put you in touch with other support services which you may want to contact further down the line.

    Knowing what to do when someone dies can seem overwhelming, especially with all the emotions that grief can bring. We have a lot of practical advice about what to do after someone dies, as well as useful information about coping with grief, on our website and there are also many online resources for bereavement support, including helplines, online communities, and chat services, including Cruse, a bereavement charity that helps people through one of the most painful times in life – They offer bereavement support, information and a bereavement helpline that you can call free of charge. Also Sue Ryder has an online community similar to this and they also offer video chat counselling and personalised grief support by text message.

    Grief is a completely natural way to respond to the death of someone important to you. Often people ask how long will their grief last. But no one can answer this for you because it is different for everyone and different each time we experience a bereavement.

    Whatever you are feeling, it's important to try to be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to process your feelings of grief and reach out to those around you who want to help

    Please do feel you can pop onto Cancer Chat any time to talk about your partner or ask a question, we are here for you if you need us. 

    Thinking of you at this difficult time,
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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