I am so sorry that you have experienced this with your mums passing.  I unfortunately experienced similar when my mum died at home 18 months ago.  Unfortunately we had to wait for pain relief from the district nurses and mum was getting distressed, but the nurses said that she was ok.  I ended up calling a palliative care doctor out who said that she had a temperature and was distressed and finally gave her the right medication, which helped.  But she had also experienced horrific pain (the cancer was in her bones) when the carers had to change her, that haunted me.

But those memories do fade, I promise you that, I put my favourite photo of my mum in a prominent position, and every time I had one of those thoughts, I would look at the photo and make myself think of a different, happy memory of when I was with my mum before she was ill.  Eventually I was able to let the bad memories go and be grateful that she was no longer suffering.

You never 'get over' losing your mum, but you do learn to live with it and remember the good times.  I lost my sister to cancer 15 years ago, so I like to think that my mum and sister are now together again, having a natter and a large G&T and putting the worlds to rights, just like they used to.

So sorry for your loss, take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.

Annie

Thank you so much this means a lot and how strange as my mum’s name is Annie