Hello Salhonestgal

Welcome to the forum although I am so very sorry to hear about the reasons that you find yourself reaching out for support. I certainly don't think you're being selfish. You have lost two of your very best friends to cancer and now you're facing the prospect of losing the last of your friendship group as well. I think that many people would struggle with the repeated losses of those close to them. It's understandable that you're feeling angry and perhaps overwhelmed by a whole host of emotions. 

Cancer doesn't just impact the person that is diagnosed but it also can create great strain, loss and stress for the loved ones around them. I would imagine that if you were able to share how you're feeling with your friends they would agree that this is just not fair, on any of you. But I also suspect that as close friends they would tell you to be kind to yourself and that you're not selfish for feeling the way that you do. 

It sounds like the four of you have always been incredibly close. Do you have any other support around you such as family? 

Certainly, I know that many people who have posted here on the forum have found it beneficial to talk with someone when they have lost a loved one or are dealing with someone close who has cancer. I don't know if you might find it helpful Salhonestgal to reach out for some counselling support. Sometimes having a safe place to talk through how you're feeling can help you move forward with your thoughts and emotions. If this is something you think you might want to explore then there may be an organisation such as Maggies locally that you can access. I don't know if you are working but lots of employers have Employee Assistance Programmes (EAP) where you can access counselling support. Or it may be that you talk with your GP about how you're feeling and see what support they can help you access. 

If you'd like to talk things through with one of our nurses you're most welcome to give them a call. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice and support they can. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

This is a difficult time for you Salhonestgal and it's ok to admit that you're struggling with this. I hope that you can reach out for some support to help you but please know that you're welcome to keep posting here on the Cancer Chat forum if it helps to have a safe space to put things down in writing. 

Sending you my best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator