My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 oesophageal cancer at the beginning of July. She passed away 5 weeks ago from aspiration pneumonia due to the cancer. I honestly thought we'd have more time with her. 
I can't even begin to describe to sadness and pain I feel. I can't believe she is gone, it just doesn't feel real. 
I'm finding it hard to accept if I'm honest. I watched her die. She took her last breath in front of me and that's an image I can't forget. I don't have a relationship with my father so losing my mum makes me feel lost in the world. She was only 57. She didn't deserve this. 
I'm trying to take each day as it comes, let myself grieve but I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll just fall apart and never be the same again. I feel as though I'm on autopilot just getting through the day. Most things- apart from my children and exercise- don't bring me any relief or comfort and I just don't know what to do. 
Sorry for rambling on. I just needed to get this out