My Dad died of cancer in my childhood home, where my mum still lives.

I really really struggle to be in the house as it’s all too much. I am immediately surrounded by a lifetimes worth of memories and also then The memory of his last weeks and ultimately dying there. I absolutely hate it and I avoid it all costs. My mum constantly insists that I MUST visit despite how I feel and I have done a few times but it’s just too much. I don’t know how to get over this or if it’s even possible. It’s also really difficult because as she gets on with her life she removes his things (completely understandable) and for me that makes it even worse. 

Has anyone felt similar? I’m at such a loss and I just can’t be forced to do it anymore. I’ve been in such a bad place since loosing him and I just don’t know how to cope with being forced to be in the house when it is so detrimental to me and the grief I feel like I’m drowning in. 

Any advice would be appreciated x