Hello Coll62, 

I am so sorry for your loss. It must be so hard to lose a sister especially as it sounds like you were very close. Even though you are someone who likes to deal with these things alone and find your own way, if you feel you are really struggling there is no harm in trying counselling. The fact that you considered it even though you changed your mind twice shows that this is something you feel deep inside might perhaps help even if you have never tried it before or are used to dealing with things yourself. So why not give it a go? There is nothing to lose in trying it out. We have helpful information on our website on coping with grief which will help you understand how the grieving process works and it mentions there that if you feel that it is all a bit too much to bear, you should make an appointment to see your GP and they might point you in the right direction for grief counselling, for example. 

It's so sad what happened to your sister and that she was diagnosed with cancer of unknown primary and that it was untreatable and she was too weak. It must have been so hard for those around her and the feeling of helplessness at the time must have been immense. 

The love you have for your sister is truly inspirational and I hope that this love and the memory of your strong bond will give you strength during this difficult time. You are not alone though and there are many members of our community who have also lost a loved one and who will understand how you are feeling at the moment and I hope that they will be along shortly to share their grief experiences with you. Give your doctor a call simply to have a chat about how to go about trying grief counselling for example, or they may have other options to suggest to you to help you feel gradually a little better. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator