hello back again

lost my father in 2019 to lung cancer, was pretty quick but a rough battle for him. 

as i go through therapy to help deal with this loss its bringing up new feelings.

recently i have been feeling jealousy and anger towards my brother (about 20 years older than i am), as i talked to him about how scary it is to go the whole rest of my life without my dad, knowing he wont be there for any big milestones or any little things in life. 

my brother simply told me to move on, as that is what he has done. but dad was there for when he got married, dad was there when his two children were born. dad seen him get his driving license. 

im also jealous because he dreams of dad often and says he can hear him speaking to him when hes having a hard time. the one time i dreamt of my dad it was a nightmare. 

i dont know how to life life with excitment and happiness knowing that my dad isnt going to be there. im only 23 now, how am i supposed to live 40-60 years more by myself?