My mum passed away but I feel like I’m not grieving how I’m supposed to

My amazing mum has sadly passed away recently this march from breast cancer that has spread to her liver, she’s had it for years now and went through surgery and every medication available from the nhs to even private doctors across the country. 

in January she called me to tell me that sadly there’s nothing more anyone can do to help her and that she’s dying…

from that point I was crying quite often as I’m a student in a different city with a schedule that doesn’t let me visit home that often, cried for two days straight after she passed away, basically wailing the house down. But even a before her funeral I was “fine” except for maybe a day or two where I’d cry looking back at memories and photos.

now it feels like I can go about my day just fine where as my grandma is crying every day and night, can’t even go and visit my stepdad at our house without breaking down. Sometimes maybe I feel like I’ve already grieved so much before she died that now I’m at that stage where I don’t need to in a way? Not rlly sure how to explain it. Idk but I just feel like I should be bed ridden with grief from the death that’s left me an orphan. I do miss my mummy so so much :( 

  • Welcome to the Cancer Chat community Austilukas although I'm really to hear of your mum's passing in March. You have my heartfelt condolences for your loss.

    I know this must be very difficult, but believe me when I say that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief is very personal and everyone reacts and copes in different ways so please don't feel guilty for how you are feeling at the moment.

    Coping with grief can be very challenging but I hope it helps to know that so many of our members have been through this too, so you are not alone, and I'm sure it won't be long until some of them stop by to offer their support and advice.

    Do be kind to yourself Austilukas and remember that we will always be here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • There's no right or wrong way to grieve. I don't think I cried at all when my dad died. Like you, I felt I ought to feel something more, but we feel what we feel. It doesn't mean you loved her any less or that you don't care enough.

    And while I obviously never knew her, I doubt she would want you bedridden with grief.