My mum has just passed away from metatastic small cell lung cancer and I'm still in shock.

My mum passed away 10 days ago after being diagnosed with metatastic small cell lung cancer and it happened so quickly... Mum was diagnosed less than 8 weeks ago and, the cancer was so aggressive and took her so quickly, I am still in shock that she's not here. I've cried everyday and struggled to function. Mum thought the pain in her back was osteoporosis and arthritis in the spine until her bones began to hurt and she pushed her doctors for a scan. We were all devastated when the scan revealed tumours on both lungs that had spread to her spine and lymph nodes. There were delays via her oncologist for proper pain medication or treatment due to histology report needing to be resent back for second specialist to look at it all, that by the time mums appointment with the oncologist arrived, mum was too weak to even get out of the front door. She had been walking unaided only the week before.

Seeing mum deteriorating so fast was traumatic and even though I was with her everyday, cooking her meals and keeping her company, just after 6 weeks of being diagnosed, mum was being taken to hospital in an ambulance where she remained until she died only 9 days later . The pain mum was in was beyond devastating and she was so terrified of leaving us and this world, it was such a shock to her but dying in pain was her biggest fear. Witnessing my mum helpless and begging for help in those last days....Haunt me. My husband and I stayed at the hospital overnight by her side, holding her hand as did my brother and his wife the following night and, my sister. Mum didn't want to be alone and we, didn't want to leave her. All of her family were with her during this awful time which is the only comfort mum had. She became so distressed the last few days that the morning before her passing, the doctors ran off to assist and gave her palliative sedation, from which she never gained consciousness. 

I sit today, going from feelings of numbness and not believing all this has happened,, to feelings of complete despair. My poor mum. Nobody deserves to suffer the way she did. My best friend, the person I spoke to/saw everyday has gone. I'm hoping in time I can come back on here and give comfort to those who have or are loosing someone to cancer. It's such a lonely and frightening time. I was on here weeks ago searching for hope and comfort when my mum was still here. I feel for everyone going through this, I really do. X

  • I’m so very sorry to hear you have lost your mum Katarinal and that you all had to go through such distress. I lost my own mum under very similar circumstances but with us it happened in a matter of hours and I genuinely feel your pain. I took comfort eventually knowing all her family were with her when she died and I hope you will too.Im caring for my partner who has end stage lung cancer and have been told he has weeks left now. I’m caring for him at home and I can only hope I manage to get it right this time . Please be kind to yourself and know you are not alone. Xx

  • Thank you so much for replying happyhaggis. I am sorry to hear you went through similar with your mum and now, going through this with your partner. It's a terrifying and traumatic time and I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job caring for your partner. Being there will be a tremendous comfort to him. It's tough and all consuming,  please remember to take good care of yourself during this journey too. My whole body is physically hurting and experiencing pain due to grief as didn't realise grief causes physical symptoms as well as just emotionally so please take good care of yourself. We'll done for being able to look after your partner at home, this is what we wanted for mum too but her bowels became impacted due to the opioid meds and her pain was not under control. You're doing an amazing job and I wish you all the love in the world. Xx

  • I'm really sorry for your loss and everything you had to go through at the end of her life. Having you there would've been a massive comfort for your mum and you would've made the whole thing alot easier for her. I know it won't make you feel better but she isn't in any pain anymore and she's in a better place. 

    I'm bad for going over things in my head so I can imagine how the last few days must haunt you but in time you'll start to think of the more happy times rather than the bad ones. Think the numbness is your body's way of trying to protect yourself (I read that one something ) I hope you look after yourself and are being kind to yourself. Wish there was something I could say to you and everyone else affected by cancer that made us all feel better. 

    Take care of yourself and feel free to reach out or share any feelings you're having 

  • I seen this while replying to the original post and it honestly made me well up when you said "I hope I can get it right this time"

    All you can say is look after them and care and love for them the best you can. There's no "getting it right" I'm sure you would've done everything you could for your mum and it's out of your control . You don't have any blame whatsoever . Hope you're not beating yourself up about anything. 

  • Thank you. I hope you are ok x

  • I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so heartbreaking. I’m going through the same diagnosis with my dad. He was diagnosed Easter weekend and there’s no treatment they can give him. I’m devastated and can’t imagine not being able to text him or him not walk through my front door every Saturday for his weekly feels like this can’t be happening to us. Life’s never going to be the same. 

    I hope you find peace