Hiya Vickibell, and first of all, may I offer my condolences on the loss of your Dad.  What you are feeling is perfectly normal.  I went through the same thing when my Mum died.  I nursed my Mum through terminal cancer.  I was still living at home with her at the time, and I became her main carer.  My 2 sisters were married with families of their own and whilst I understood that they couldn't be there all the time to help me with my Mum, I definitely felt that they could have made more effort.  I felt as though they had basically left me to get on with it all on my own, and when my Mum died, I felt very bitter and angry towards them for a long time. My sisters were very much aware that I felt let down by them and I have to say that it caused tension between the three of us for a long time.  Unfortunately Vicki, a crisis brings out the best and the worst in people.  Some people step up to the plate, whilst others run for the hills.  There are those people who talk the talk and then there are those people that walk the walk.  Your Dad has only been gone for two months and your grief is very raw.  Perhaps you feel that your brother and sister-in-law are being a bit disrespectful to your Dad's memory because they appear not to care.  However, grief affects us all in different ways.  It could simply be that your brother has not yet fully processed that your Dad has gone.  Maybe this is his way of dealing with it.  You say that your brother and sister-in-law preach about how much they love family all the time, and yet they have not reached out to you in your grief.  However, It can sometimes take many years before grief hits a person.  I know a Man who was unable to cry when his young sister died........it took 17 years for the tears to come.  Whilst this might not excuse the fact that they have not reached out to you, it might give you some understanding of their reasons.  The advice of your partner sounds sensible.  Give them the benefit of the doubt and let it go.  However, like me, you might feel that you just can not hold it in and you have got to let them know what you think.  If you DO decide to speak your mind to them, please be aware that it could cause a rift that might last for many years.  It is of course entirely up to you.  Best wishes, xx

Thanks for this message. I should clarify it's my brother in law and his wife, not my brother, so it feels like they should have at least sent a personal message. But yeah, I don't want to cause a rift or any family drama about. Maybe the best thing is just to not see them for a while. 

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum, that sounds really hard. I hope you've all managed to come together since then, or at least find comfort. Thanks again for your message

Thank you Vickibell.  Things are okay with me and my sisters now, but I was angry with them for a very long time.  Losing a parent knocks you sideways.  Sometimes when I was at work, I would go to phone my Mum and then remember that she isn't here any more.  The only consolation I can give you is that eventually, that raw pain gives way to a sad kind of acceptance.  You will never stop missing your Dad, but it really does get easier with time.  My Mum has been gone for many years, and although I still miss her, it doesn't hurt like it used to in the early days.  Sending hugs to you, take care, xx