Hi, I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time.  I think that given time it gets less raw mentally and more distant in your mind.  I don't know what it is like personally, my dad is still with us but he has Altzheimers and Vascular Dementia and has been in a home now for 2 1/2 years bed bound, not recognising you, talking, watching TV or anything really, just there but not here.  I miss him so much too but it has been like this so long now I have had time to come to terms with it and it's less upsetting.  It's like a loss without the loss yet. I still miss him loads.  I hope that it will get easier for you given time and send you a virtual hug, l can't do much more but I hope this helps x