Hi mattcymru,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this - I think this is quite a common way to feel. You have gone through a lot by the sounds of it, and these sorts of reactions and thoughts can be perfectly understandable. Having said that, try not to be too hard on yourself. People often think they could have done more, but this is not always the case, and sometimes it's too easy to look back and think about doing things differently, but in the moment this may not have felt right or even necessary.

There is a useful information document here from Cruse about feelings after someone dies. At the bottom there is also information about their helpline and their website. Sometimes it is helpful to talk things through with a professional or a specific organisation, as this can help with processing certain thoughts and feelings.

In the meantime, if others here have similar experience or anything to add, hopefully you'll get some more replies soon.

Take care of yourself,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

i did see a councellor but didnt really help.. thanks for your reply

i did see a councellor but didnt really help.. thanks for your reply