Hi Thakie,

First of all, I am sorry for your loss. I don't know how hard that must have been to have lost your husband in such a short space of time.

I can say time does help, maybe not heal but you get used the circumstance that you (we) find ourselves in and you don't move in the sense that you forget your husband but you can live your life without breaking down - these are hard losses and life will never be the same but you do manage to get back to something like normal but life has changed forever.

How I got through my loss, I lost my mum through the chemo she got to treat her cancer, it got to her lungs and she left us coming up to two years now - but how I see it is that I am 52 in under a month and I have another 30 years left if I am lucky and then I won't be here - thirty years ago was 1994 - I remember listening to Mr Blobby on the radio and thinking 'arrgh get this *** off the radio'; and that seems like yesterday but in another 30 years from now I probably won't be here. Like the vast majority of us, I am not here for all that long and I don't expect that line of reasoning to make sense to anyone else but it made sense to me that my grief - however painful it is - is going to be temporary, that one day I will be joining mum and in the end, everyone else I know and love will be there. 

I speak to my mum every day, for me, she is around, people have different beliefs about where we go after this and I don't expect anyone else to believe in what I believe but it has helped me a lot to get through the grieving process - in my mind - truly - she is here but on a different wave.

I don't know if you had children with your husband or his family, your family? Talking about it helps, it will have been a loss for more than one person I suspect and talking about it to those people is a massive help - they will want to talk and so will you.