Hi. I’m so sorry. I lost our Mum 15th Jan. She deteriorated so rapidly after a year of hell. I am also a nurse and feel so to blame for decisions etc. She wanted to die at home but things happened so rapidly at the end that there was no time. I keep wishing I hadn’t pushed for her mastectomy a year ago but think would have likely blamed myself if I hadn’t. My mum missed a scan thanks to covid. I keep wondering if her cancer had been detected sooner, would she have been ok and alive now. I can’t face work. I feel guilty for being off. I miss my mum terribly. 

Oh it’s a similar story for us. She was poorly after every chemo, so many admissions. The radiotherapy really made her suffer but she wanted to fight to see baby Elliott grow up and after all the pain and suffering here we are :( We found out in December it had spread all through her spine, she went to the hospice on the 9th Jan. such a relief she is well cared for, all the difficult conversations are being had :( 

I'm so sorry for your loss and I’m sorry your mum never got home, living with guilt about things like this must be difficult. But I am so sure your mum wouldn’t want you to think this way.

Being a nurse makes it worse because you know what is coming, what signs to look out for etc. family come to you for all the questions as well don’t they. Please don’t feel guilty about not being able to work. I quit my job in September because the stress of it was too much and I was making mistakes. We’re just a number to the NHS, easily replaceable. Look after yourself. X