My Nan died almost 15 years ago. She was diagnosed with lung cancer that rapidly spread. She become very depressed, she didn’t want to die and she fought her last breath. I had a very close relationship with my Nan, she called me her best friend and give me a loving mother relationship that I didn’t really get from my mum. Recently my dad’s mum, my other Nan passed away aged 88 from dementia/old age. We didn’t have a close relationship growing up but as my dad is no longer alive I supported her later on in life. I didn’t have the same feelings as when my other Nan died, I felt relieved she wasn’t struggling any longer, the past few days though it had brought back awful memories of my other Nans death. I have a gut wrenching feeling and feel like I’m in complete panic, I feel in complete pain other her dying and being scared and not wanting to go. I also feel guilty that I am heartbroken for one and relieved for the other. I think it’s been triggered by the embalming smell. As soon as it hit my I felt buckled in hurt and grief all over again. I feel like I have gone back in time and can’t move forward