Reliving the trauma of losing my Nan

My Nan died almost 15 years ago. She was diagnosed with lung cancer that rapidly spread. She become very depressed, she didn’t want to die and she fought her last breath. I had a very close relationship with my Nan, she called me her best friend and give me a loving mother relationship that I didn’t really get from my mum. Recently my dad’s mum, my other Nan passed away aged 88 from dementia/old age. We didn’t have a close relationship growing up but as my dad is no longer alive I supported her later on in life. I didn’t have the same feelings as when my other Nan died, I felt relieved she wasn’t struggling any longer, the past few days though it had brought back awful memories of my other Nans death. I have a gut wrenching feeling and feel like I’m in complete panic, I feel in complete pain other her dying and being scared and not wanting to go. I also feel guilty that I am heartbroken for one and relieved for the other. I think it’s been triggered by the embalming smell. As soon as it hit my I felt buckled in hurt and grief all over again. I feel like I have gone back in time and can’t move forward 

  • Hi OwSho,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and that you're finding things difficult. Grief is different for everyone, and these deep feelings can often be triggered by things like smells and so on.

    Try not to feel guilty about your feelings - this is all natural, particularly as you were so close to your Nan.

    Try to accept how you are feeling, and in particular recognising that some days will be harder than others.

    If ever you feel you're really struggling and would like to reach out for further support, have a look at Cruse. They offer various resources and also a helpline for people experiencing grief.

    Hopefully you'll get some more replies here soon, particularly from anyone with similar experience or any thoughts to share.

    We're always here if you need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator