Hi, my dad had multiple myeloma and went through chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant. He was in remission for just under a year, he went for monthly check ups, to make sure the cancer had not come back and his blood levels were fine. He went to his last appointment on the 17th November and the consultant had said everything was fine and his cancer had not released. On the 26th November, my mum called me telling me she was worried about my dad, I of course went round to their home to help my mum and to see if my dad was ok. My dad was struggling with his breathing and he was having nose bleeds and episodes of being unconscious, despite my dads wishes I rang an ambulance and they came and took him to the hospital.
When my dad got to the hospital he was seen by the doctor who told us he had a 50% chance of living. They had stated that his kidneys were falling and that if his heart stopped they would not resuscitate. this came to a bit of a shock to us as he was a fighter and we wanted them to do everything in their power to save his life, so we expressed our wishes. The doctors then moved my dad to ICU and put him on dialysis to assist his kidneys to see if this would help.
A day or 2 into my dad being in hospital we were informed that his myeloma has released and in his current state he was not fit enough for chemotherapy. They gave him antibiotics and filtration dialysis to try and make him better enough to be able to have the chemo.
After 4 weeks in hospital and a rollercoaster of emotions, the doctor had informed us that there was nothing else they could do for my dad as the cancer was aggressive and there was no more options for the chemotherapy, he stated that by continuing filtration and antibiotics we were only prolonging his death and that it was cruel. This was extremely hard for myself and my family to hear as we thought he could get better and come home.
As a family we decided that we wanted my dad to come home and die at home as that was where he was most comfortable and had the most memories, the end of life care team made this happen and we got him home on the 22nd of December. We shared an emotional day together and my dad died on the 23rd of December whilst the whole family held his hand and loved him as hard as we could.
I am 27 and I have a massive void in my life and heart. Most of the day I feel numb and don’t know what is going on around me. My dad was my best friend and my world. I expected the word to stop when he died and it’s hard to understand when everyone else is carrying on day to day! I don’t cry much because I am still thinking that he will just walk through the door any minute, but when I allow my self to believe that he is actually gone, I physically and emotionally cannot cope. I feel the worlds worse pain in my stomach and I can’t breathe properly. How can I go from one extreme to the next? I can’t process this properly and physically don’t know how. I massively appreciate my family around me who have spend every minute together since but I don’t want to upset them further speaking to them about this as they are all hurting too.
