Cancer took my husband

My husband had been diagnosed with rectum cancer spread to liver and eventually his lung in 2021 , he was a lovely kind hard working family man and for the first 2 years no one could even tell he was poorly, but as the chemos  stopped working he lost a lot of weight and then  he got worse very quickly, he sadly died at home 2 weeks ago and I miss him so so much,  I cry then I don’t cry or I can’t cry I feel like I’m freaking out , I want to run and scream , then I feel numb , and so low in a dark dark place I’ve never experienced anything like this , I don’t see a purpose anymore , we spent every day together and now I’m alone . My rock and my best friend has been taken from us  at just 56 years old ! I just cannot believe he’s gone / nor do I want to . Life is so cruel ️ ️. X

  • Sending you a big big hug xxxxxxx   I lost my mum to ovarian cancer 2 weeks ago and I'm struggling badly.  My heart is just broken and I'm missing my mum like crazy.  Life is very cruel xxx

  • Thank you ! I’m so so sorry to hear about your mum , yes life is so very cruel ,

    it’s because we love them so very much that we suffer so deeply,  I can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks already , it’s one big blur . Hope you have support around you .
    Sending you a big hug too . Xxx

  • If you ever need a chat please let me know xx

  • Aww that’s so lovely of you , the same goes for you too . . I’m just sorting the photos for the funeral next Wednesday, When is your mums ? Bless her x  . Hard isn’t it to start thinking of what to choose, who really wants to do that ! Just unreal . Xx

  • Hi, I'm so sorry I've just noticed your message.   How are you doing? My mums funeral is the 16th of November.   I'm so sad, I'm trying to keep busy yet the minute I stop it all just hits me xx

  • Hello, my husband who was also 56 years old passed away at home 2 weeks ago. Last December he had a kidney removed due to cancer with follow up chemotherapy he was doing well although it returned aggressively and things moved on very quickly. I can relate to everything you have said and how you feel, some of what you have written could be me saying those words, so I am sorry I don’t know how to make you feel better but do know you are not alone, take care 

  • Hi marjay, I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this too , and that your husband was only 56 too it’s been 5 weeks and I still feel numb , the funeral was surreal , but we did him proud , myself and my children spoke about him and his friends too , I’ve tried to keep my mind occupied with lots of paperwork keeping me busy ( never realised how much there is to do  ) , I’m very low everything seems strange , if I go out its like I’m in a fog , I just can’t believe he’s gone , I’m angry / upset that he suffered the way he did in the end , I can’t see a future , but I must carry on I have no choice. 56 is such a young age isn’t it and like me you’ve been robbed of growing old with your husband .  
    im going to look into a group so I can meet other people and talk / listen to there experiences . How are you managing to cope ? If you need to chat feel free to message . Take care of yourself x

  • Hi , I’m still in a fog as I’m sure you probably are to especially as it was your mums funeral only last week, so sad and I’m so sorry you had to go through not only loosing her but having to deal with the funeral too , it’s all leaves a huge void in our lives , I lost my mum 24 years ago so I can relate to this too , it still seems like yesterday I last saw her , I adored her , as I’m sure you did your mum .  Take care of yourself 

  • Hi, thank you for the reply. My husband, knew I would try to withdraw from people so he told me not to shut myself away so I’m here trying to open up to people. The funeral was just as he wanted it. He told our daughter what he would like and she was amazing organising everything. The crematorium was full with an overflow of people outside. I’m sure he would have been pleased with it. Even though there were so many people there I still felt lonely. I can’t believe I got through the day. People say I am doing well and being strong but they don’t see the me who walks into an empty house and  cries and cries until I have nothing left. I feel I am letting him down the way I feel as he was so very strong all the way. The group sounds good. There is so much paperwork and things to sort out isn’t there? It seems like I have climbed a mountain when I have managed to sort some small thing and even wonder how I managed it. The group sounds good. Feel free to message me also, take care x 

  • Hi , like you said before it’s like looking at my own life reading these  messages ,  everything you said is the same for me , the crying is a numbness now but my head is heavy with all the grief / stress , I’m tired all the time and don’t see any future anymore . I have a daughter too who has been wonderful , she comes round most evenings and we talk a lot . I’m going back to work for a couple of days soon as I gradually need to fill my head with other things before I sink even further down . I really feel for you it’s awful isn’t it , empty and lonely, but we have no choice to carry on , I will always listen to you if you need to talk as talking does help a little . Xx