My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer 2 years ago. Mum did great with her treatment and although they couldn't cure her they managed to shrink it a lot. Mums hair grew back, she started walking more again and she was happy. The oncologist gave mum a break from the chemotherapy and slowly the cancer returned.
About 6 weeks ago the oncologist said she was restarting mum on the chemotherapy and said to mum she had noticed fluid on mums stomach and she would book her in to get it drained off.
We had booked a holiday for the week after and the oncologist said she would arrange for the chemotherapy to start straight after. During the holiday mums stomach got bigger but she kept saying she was fine. When we got home I took mum to a&e as I was worried and the doctors said it was ascites. They tried to drain her stomach but it sent her blood pressure dangerously low, then mum caught covid and then sepsis. Mum managed to get through it all and started to do better, the hospital were happy with her stats and said she could come home this week and restart her chemotherapy. Everything was really positive. On Saturday I went to the hospital and everything had changed. Mum couldn't breath properly and the doctor said her stats were dropping and fluid was on her lungs, less than 2 hours later mum had passed away.
I'm struggling so badly, it feels like I'm living in a bad dream. In my head mum was coming home and I just can't wrap my head around it. My mum was my best friend and I spoke to her numerous times throughout the day and saw her most days. I feel so empty and lost without her here. I just can't imagine the future without her being here. She was so excited to be coming home and it feels so unfair that it didn't happen. I feel like I have let her down and I keep thinking of all the things I should have done or said to her.