My father was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer three weeks ago on Friday. He was admitted to hospital three weeks ago today. Everything happened so fast. He had been undergoing various tests (CT scan and endoscopy) after results of a previous blood test detected cancerous cells.

We visited him every day at the hospital, for the first 10 days, after which a patient in my father's bay tested positive for noro virus. A few days later a patient on the ward tested positive for covid. Last Thursday they closed the ward due to infection. I did not see my Dad for 8 days. They kept telling us to ring in the morning to check when the ward was reopened. The hospital would not let us back and then on this past Monday morning (bank holiday) we phoned as usual to ask could we see my father. The person we spoke with at 13.30 that day told us to phone again the next day. TWO hours later, a nurse on the ward that had been looking after my father; phoned my mother and asked us to come to the hospital. Just TWO hours after we had been told we were not allowed on the ward.

My mother and I got to the hospital as soon as wee could ( within the hour). We saw my father, who had deteriorated dramatically and was on oxygen, struggling to breathe.

20 minutes later, my father was dead.

I am in so much pain from the shock as well as the frustration of not being able to see my father for the 8 days leading up to his death. We were told just a week earlier that we had weeks, possibly months. One week later, my father is dead.

I feel as though I didn't get the chance to say all I had to say. I feel angry with the hospital. Because the staff told us right up until 2 hours before his death, that he was doing well. This was not the case. As the nurse that phoned my mother told her she realised my father was in decline that morning.

How can I get past this. I am in shock, as is my family and we are just devastated. We feel Dad is gone way too soon. It really hurts a lot.