Welcome to the forum Wantdadback although I'm so sorry to hear your dad passed away 3 weeks ago. You have my sincerest and most heartfelt condolences for your loss.

I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family but the Cancer Chat community are here for you and I'm sure it won't be long until some of our members stop by to share their experiences and offer you their support and advice.

Coping with grief is really tough and brings with it many challenges along the way, so do be kind to yourself and try to take things, for the moment, just one day at a time.

You can also seek out further support and advice from your GP or bereavement counselling services such as Cruse or Sue Ryder. They have many resources in place to help you if things ever become a bit too much.

I know I can't take the pain away, but I hope you can take some comfort from my reply and knowing that you are not alone.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi,

I'm very sorry for your loss. 

You have lost your dad very recently and it is normal to feel sad and  like you are unable to cope. Losing a parent is a profound loss and it feels completley disorientating. 

I lost my dad just over 9 months ago. My Dad was my person, I loved spending time with him more than anyone and I always felt supported and understood by him. My parents live 5 minutes away and I would see them everyday, but dad and I are so alike. I was 36 when I lost my dad and my dad was 70. My dad hlwas diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and we were told by doctors that he was cured. My dad started to experience back pain in April 2022 and in September we found out that it was advanced cancer. Dad died two months after diagnosis. My dad had no other symptoms, he was incredibly fit and active but he deteriorated rapidly after diagnosis and although we got some time it was hardly time to realise what was happening before he was gone. 

My mum and I cared for my dad for those 8 weeks and i experienced anticipatory grief, but nothing could prepare me for the agony of losing him. It was and continues to be the most profound and deep sadness. 

At first it seems like it is not possible to get through the day, but somehow you do. I have experienced so many emotions, anger, sadness, despair, happiness, sometimes these emotions come one after the other throughout the day. I just try to accept them as they come and whatever I feel is ok. My grief is unique to me and there is no timescale or correct way that I should feel. 

At nine months on I miss my dad as much as ever. I am produvtive and carry on with daily activities and then the grief can hit like a sledgehammer but it passes and I am then able to think of dad without always bursting into tears.  I don't know if I am used to just feeling sad but at times the grief feels more manageable than it did when it first happened. I was told by a grief councellor that there will always be a peice of the puzzle missing but we learn to build around it, I think this is true. My dad's gone, I miss him all the time but I carry on for him and continue to build and proceed with my life or at least that's the hope. 

I love and miss my dad so much. A world without him seemed unfathomable and I still feel lost, but there are other people who are going through similar emotions. I try to remember that and just take it hour by hour, day by day , I'm not alone and neither are you. 

Take care,

Xx

Thankyou so so much for your reply. It is 3 weeks today since I lost him. I lived 5 doors down from my mum and dad. I was there every day to see him. Me and my mum also looked after my dad. I fought so hard to keep my dad at home when the drs said he needed to go in to hospital. He had some bad experiences so I made sure everything could be done at home. We all fought so hard. He died at 2.55 in the morning and I got there at 3. It was an awful death for him and it’s terrible to live with the fact he didn’t just fall asleep. That’s all I wished for him him that he didn’t suffer at the end and he did. It breaks my heart a little more every time I think of it. I am due to start counselling at the beginning of next month i really hope it can help me come to terms with it all.  Me and my mum have been busy decorating 2 bedrooms for me and my children but it’s always in the front of my mind I just can’t think about anything else. 
I just miss him a huge amount. There was nobody like him and there never will be. It’s just unimaginable that I’m never going to see him again. Your message has brought me so much comfort xxxx