I don't know how to start.

When my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014 there was hope, she has treatment surgery and chemo

She was doing well, move forward to 2019 we found it had spread. I was in my first year of uni and in a new relationship. My world came crashing down, as Mum was told her breast ca was now metastatic. She hasn't been well leading up to this new diagnosis. 

When I wasn't at uni, or on placement,  I was splitting my tine between my partner and Mum. As time went on, uni got more of me. I was tired, skint, scared. My partner was supportive. 

As Mum deteriorated and after I qualified I spent all my time when I wasn't asleep or af work with my Mum. Mum became my life, I was snappy at home to my partner, hard to live with. 

Mum passed away in December of last year, I spent all but 1 day with her leading up to this. I got her home, where she wanted to be... I was there when she took her last breath. 

7 months have passed and I'm just a nightmare to be around. At work I'm pleasant, understanding,  kind, at home I'm awful. My partner wants a break, for me to move out, back to my parents house so we can work on our selves individually. At times I talk to her like dirt, and did do when Mum was ill. 

I'm not blaming my Mum. I'm not angry with her.  I'm angry with cancer. I'm angry for the heartache. The constant treatment, blood tests, hospital stays, pain, vomiting, fatigue,  frailty,  and then it took her. 

I changed my job to have a better work life balance, but im just so snappy. So hard, so horrible. 

I'm scared, I'm in denial, I don't know who I am. I don't smile. Everything is an effort. I feel I'm about to lose my partner, my home, my family on top of all of this. 

I'm tired in my brain 

Is anyone in or has been in a similar situation? we've talked of councillors,  im waiting on crus as well. 

I dont want grief to rip apart my life anymore than it is already