Hi all,

I have just lost my best friend, she died in my arms this week, she was 40 years old. I'm so sad, I'm trying to process the loss  which has led me on a weird mission trying to understand how she died so quickly. A lump in her breast was found about 18 months ago, but she was quickly seen, started chemo, the scan revealed it was in her lymph nodes and slightly a shadow on  her bone, she at this stage told me they had told her she would need chemo, radiation therapy and to be induced into the menopause as it was hormonal. All seemed to be going really well, she was the fittest and healthiest I had ever seen her, her hair had grown back thick and beautiful. She went for another MRI a few months back and she told me they said there was a slight shadow on her liver, which was there before and she needs another round of chemo to blast it out, but still all good. 6 months ago she told me that the cancer would not kill her, she would never be cured but would remain on tablet chemo forever but we would grow old together. 
1 month ago she developed a cold, it would not shift, it turned into a chest infection, she tried antibiotics, her next round of chemo was delayed, 2 days later she was admitted to hospital to flush out the infection and 3 days after that she passed away. It had spread, nothing more they could do. 
I have since been told but her mum that she did not want to worry me, she did not want me to treat her differently so she did not tell me, they honestly thought she had another few years.

im devastated, at the loss, the fact I could have done more, I should have done more, I could have been more. I did not know we were on borrowed time. I don't understand it at all. How can someone just go, so quickly, or would she have always known? Would she likely have been told she has up to 5 years with her first diagnosis or does cancer change this quickly? I'm so sorry if this all sounds so odd, I'm trying to process it x