PTSD following parents passing

I lost my mum on 31/12/2016 and my dad 06/12/2017. I was 33/34 at these times. I am now turning 40 but still suffering so bad with PTSD ( never officially diagnosed so I think it may be this).

From diagnosis to passing it was 6 weeks for mum 18 months for dad. Mum cancer of unknown spread everywhere and dad liver cancer (from meds for SLE not drink related)

at the end mum passed ina 24 start to finish and when she did black blood poured out of her mouth and nose and I cannot get this image even now out of my head.

dad took 10 days and he suffered awful dry cracked tongue. He was terrified of dying and held on as long as possible. 
I was scared to be with him at the end as I was worried about the blood happening again which it didn't. 
 

when will this get easier ? 

  • I am so sorry you lost both your parents within a short timescale. When I read your post I felt such empathy for you because I lost both my parents within 6 months last year and I also witnessed sights that have and still do traumatise me. I think to lose two of the most important people in a short time and see things that are horrifying leaves us with these vivid images and it is so difficult to make them fade away. People have said to me that in time the happy memories will replace the awful ones but I don't think the truly awful memories ever completely go away unless we could magically erase certain experiences which of course we can't.

    My Mum passed away during a 24 hour period and my Dad was 10 days of effectively 'dying' so I can understand what you went through during those times. My Dad was also terrified of dying and I think he fought against it so hard. The things I witnessed haunt me. The hallucinations, the physical affects of chemo/cancer/dying, my Dad didn't eat for weeks and weeks so at the end it didn't even look like my Dad anymore. When my Mum was in her last day of life they were trying to save her so I have the noise of the machine keep beeping and ringing to alert them and the other things they did to try and release some of the blockages in her lungs. 

    I wish I could answer "will it get easier?" and all I can say is in time I the think possibly the brutal images will hopefully stop entering our minds as much, with such frequent harshness. I hope that eventually I will start to think of other times and these images will stop replaying so much in my mind and yours. Have you had any therapy/counselling? I had been having counselling free from Cruse Bereavement and talking about these horrifying images with my counsellor has helped. Please try Cruse if you haven't previously, they are so supportive. You can sign up to one-to-one counselling via telephone and its all funded and whilst you wait for this (I had to wait a few months as they are busy) they do have a freephone number that you can speak to a counsellor anytime. 

    We have been through a trauma and it takes time to heal and recover I think. Be kind to yourself and try to find little things that bring you joy in life, I feel that helps sometimes. Take good care.

    J

  • Thank you for writing about your experience it's comforting to know I'm not alone.