This time last year was the last day/night of my beautiful Mum's life and although she passed at just into 16th I will always feel the 15th marks the worst day. I have learnt so much throughout the last 12 months (and the months prior) of my Mum passing away, my Dad passed away 6 months after my Mum so 2022 will always be such a heart breaking year full of awful memories.

My partner and I lived with my Mum for the last 7 years and the 10 years prior to this Mum lived with me most of the time whilst she helped in my business, we were the best of friends with the closest Mum/daughter relationship I could ever wish for and for this I will be eternally grateful. We travelled together and had the most wonderful holiday in India, memories that I will cherish.

I feel more in grief now then I did last year, I look back after she passed away and can see I was numb, in disbelief, everything felt surreal and caring for my Dad meant I didn't have to face the grief of my Mum in the way in which I am now. I now am starting to feel the reality of the situation and acceptance of it. I miss her more each day and have so much I want to share with her. The only way I can cope is by facing each day and not looking too far into the future. I talk to her both in my mind and out loud every day and incorprorate her into our daily life in many ways.

People generally feel after a year you must 'move on.' I understand why they say this but I also don't feel it is helpful. 'Move on' from the person that has passed? 'Move on' from missing them? I am still living my life and I am still grateful for life but I don't feel the pressing need to 'move on' or 'be positive' all the time. I am not miserable around other people, I am not depressed or shutting life away but I think when we are in the most difficult parts of grief we should be allowed to grieve without feeling we need to distance ourselves from that loss and pain. Grief has no end date. When the most important and loved people pass away we are going to miss them continuously but of course over the years that grief and pain will most likely change and alter like life itself. I have coped better than I ever thought possible. I never thought I could survive living without my Mum but a year on, I am still here and not just existing. We find death and grief such difficult topics to discuss. People shy away from just asking me how I'm doing or mentioning my Mum or Dad. I want to talk about them, remember them and include them in my life. 

I hope for anyone that is going through the grief journey that you have support and kindness. Grief is unique. There is no right or wrong. There are no timescales. It is life changing and with those life changes there can often be knowledge and wisdom. I feel I have learnt so much and have so much still to discover......I just wish I could see my Mum and tell her everything. I miss you Mum beyond words.......