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Losing my Dad

Lsteph
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I lost my Dad in January this year to pancreatic cancer. It still feels unreal that he is gone. I feel so heartbroken and sad alot of the time, it's not like any pain I've ever experienced. I'm scared that I will always feel this way now, and it is becoming the new normal for me. I also fear that I am slowly damaging my relationship with my parter, even though he is so brilliant at comforting me when I'm down I just feel guilty that it's too much for him sometimes, even though he has never said that...even when I am leaving my snotty trails and tears all over him from crying!

We had to start the process of selling my Dads car the other day and that was so hard, and very emotional for us all. I had a moment that day when I just burst into tears, it felt like saying goodbye all over again, walking away from his car in the carpark.

I'm trying to cut myself some slack and allow myself to be upset when I want to, but it's all so difficult right now when all I want is my Dad back and I know I can never have that.  

If there are such a thing as any tips anyone has that help a bit, that would be good. 

Thank you x

  • Hello Lsteph,

    I'm really sorry to hear how you're feeling. Like you said, it's important to give yourself time and take care of yourself. Grief is personal and there's no right or wrong way of feeling. All the emotions you're going through are valid. It's also important to talk about your feelings and concerns with your partner and the people close to you. 

    You can also contact the Cruse bereavement helpline on 0808 808 1677, if you need someone to talk to, and the Cancer Chat is always here for you.

    Best wishes,

    Moderator Anastasia

  • Offline

    Hello Lsteph,

    I too lost my beloved Dad in January. I still cannot believe he has gone. Like you said, its a pain like no other. Someone described grief to me as standing with your back to the ocean and waves hitting you. But you do not know when they are coming and how strong they will be. I've never heard a truer description in my life. 

    I thought i was doing OK but this last week, I've found myself upset a lot of the time. I've really struggled this week and I've found it so tough xx

    I too- just want my Dad back xx

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Anastasia

    Hi Anastasia,

    Thanks for your kind message, it is so helpful to know I can speak to people like you when I need to.

    xx

  • Offline in reply to jo123456

    Hi Jo123456,

    Wow, I totally agree with the waves feeling, it is just like that. I hope you feel a bit better as each day comes, its so hard I know. Something I found helped a bit was giving myself something nice to look forward to each day...something as simple as some nice lunch, or a funny youtube video to watch. Thinking of you. 

    Lsteph xx

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