My mother was let down

My mother died last December of ovarian cancer and I find it hard to deal with it. I keep on going over and over the mistakes the Dr's did. 2 years ago she had a scan and the nurse at the time said that she has a scar on one of her ovaries but when she went to see the Dr he said it was nothing, then a year later she started getting pain but they treated her for constipation and urin infection and gave her a inhaler because she found it hard to catch her breath when walking. She kept on going to see the Dr but they said she must have urine infection. 2 years later after 2 scans, 2 CT scans and MRI they said that they couldn't see anything that the scans were blurry. It was only when they decided to operate and remove the water that was building in her abdomen that they found she had stage 4 ovarian cancer.  I feel if they had looked into the first scan they could have saved her .

  • Hello Pritchard43,

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother last December.

    As you'll probably find out from other posts here, there is no right or wrong way to go through grief and the feelings you're facing right now are perfectly valid. It's important though you take things one day at a time and be gentle on yourself. With that in mind there are two pages I wanted to share with you. One is Cruse in case you feel like talking things over with someone, their helpline is 0808 808 1677. Then there is Coping with grief which I hope has some helpful tips and suggestions for those trying to deal with these feelings

    I hope these help.

    Last but not least, please remember you're not alone, we're always here to listen.

    All the best,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi Pritchard43

    I am so sorry for your loss and I feel for you. I can understand your disappointment, your anger... I lost my mother 15 months ago and I still get flashbacks from the horrible days she experienced in the hospital. The medical system failed her, her doctor failed her, the nurses failed her. I really don't know if there is anything I can say to make your pain or anger lessen. You have my deepest sympathy and I really hope time will kind of help... It is extremely frustrating to say the least to not get the attention and treatment that you deserve from those you trust, as they obviously should know more than you do. It is unforgivable that the doctors did not find your mother's cancer earlier, there is no excuse for that. Someone might say they are humans too and they make mistakes but I disagree! You do not play with anyone's life and unfortunately the NHS is trying to save money from anywhere they can... It is true that if they had looked better they could have given your mother more time (and so you would have more time with her) but you can never know the outcome unfortunately. They could have also put her in chemotherapy and she might not have managed, and you might had lost her even earlier. What I am trying to say is that unfortunately we not always have control over things and we cannot know the outcome as well. They obviously made terrible mistakes and mistake is a very small word to use but the outcome does not change. Our mothers are not here and we are in deep pain, angry and sad but we need to be kind to ourselves and look after our physical and mental health.